I Love You Keith

Why Keith?

He gave in.

James POV

The last three months have been pretty hard. For a while, Adam would come to class either smelling like booze or with bloodshot eyes from crying all night. Pidge was visibly sleep deprived, and was running on coffee. Mrs.Holt had moved into her husbands room, and was taking care of them both, and herself. you could tell that they cried together, but she was always able to pull them out of it. She weaned Adam of the achohal, and got Pidge sleeping again. But Keith was the worst of them. He had become quiet, and withdrawn. He spent almost all his free time in our room, and almost never talked to anyone. Except for me, the Holts, Adam, and sometimes Kinkade. But they were always small, quick responses, nothing longer than a few words. When we slept, sometimes he'd start shaking, or wake up breathing heavily and crying. Then I had to calm him down. He never said what he dreamed about, he just nodded and laid back down. Apparently he was always cold too, since he never stopped wearing long sleeves, even as it got into spring.

One day, after class, instead of going to our room with him like usual, I hung out with the others for a while. They asked how Keith was doing, and I just shrugged. I told them about his shaking and nightmares, and they looked so sad. They kept asking if there was anything they could do, and I couldn't give them answer. I didn't even know what to do. As we continued talking about it, I felt myself tearing up. "I-i just don't know what to do. He never talks, he barely sleeps. What do I do? God I'm a terrible boyfriend. I can't even help him get through this." I said, burying my face in my hands. "Hey no, don't say that. No one know what to do. Everyone has different ways of coping, and this is his." Veronica said, rubbing my back. "Yeah, and you're not a bad boyfriend. Most people would've given up on him by now. You haven't." Kinkade said, and I nodded, face still in my hands. "Yeah. And trust me, he'd be much worse if he didn't have you." Rizavi said. "He might resort to less favorable ways of coping." Ina said, and I lifted my head "Like what?" She shrugged "Well, I don't want to scare you, but there's drugs, achohal, possibly, in order to feel something other than sadness, cutting or self-inflected harm. Normally on the forearms, particularly the wrist." 

My eyes widened and I got up and began running to our room "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck." I muttered as I ran. Now it made sense. The long sleeves, the silences, the long times alone in the room. Keith was cutting. Tears brewed in my eyes, waiting to be shed. I ran into our room and threw open the bathroom door. Inside, Keith was on the floor, crying. A small razor blade laid on the edge of the sink, and little cuts ran up and down his arms. Some were faint scars, others were fresh and bleeding a bit. My heart dropped. I fell to my knees beside him, hot tears running down my face. "Keith...Kitten, why?" His eyes met my own, and they were filled with sadness. "James..James I'm so sorry." He fell into me, and we held each other, crying. "Why Kitten? Why?" I muttered, over and over again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He said on repeat.We stayed there for a while, tears running down our faces, shaking. I heard footsteps, and turned to see Adam, Kinkade, Rizavi and Ina in the door. Their faces fell when they saw us, and Adam's eyes brimmed with tears. "Keith.." "Hey guys. What happening?" Pidge said, walking in. "Did I not get invited to a party or...." She trailed off, spotting us. Hey eyes widened and she froze. Veronica appeared next to her "Pidge, you goo- Keith?" Her voice broke. Adam sat besides us, tears streaming down his face. "Keith...Keith why?" Keith looked up to his, sadness and sorrow in his eyes "Adam... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean- I'm sorry." Adam nodded "I know. Come on, lets get out of here." He held out this hand, which Keith took, and led him to the bed. I stayed on the bathroom floor, processing.

Keith had been cutting this entire time, and I hadn't noticed. I hadn't said or done anything. I raked my hand through my hair. I really was a bad boyfriend. And now Keith had scars, physically and emotional. But now wasn't the time for self pity. Now, I had to help Keith. I stood and splashed some water on my face, wiping away the tear stains. In our room, Adam and Kinkade were talking to Keith, and everyone else had left. When he saw me, Kinkade nodded and left. I sat next to Keith, and he stared at the ground. "Keith..why didn't you tell me?" I asked, voice breaking. "Because I didn't want to. I knew how sad this would make you. I-I tried to stop, but  I couldn't."  I nodded silently. "Keith, if there's every anything, anything at all, that you need, you have me. And James. We love you Keith. We're here for you. But promise me, promise me, that you'll never do this again. Keith, can you promise me that?" Keith nodded "I promise." Adam smiled softly. "Good." He kissed his head and stood "I have to go now. But I'll be back later, okay? I'm not leaving anytime soon." He left, and we sat in silence for a minute. Then Keith broke the silence. "It's okay if you don't want to date me anymore. You don't have to if you don't want to." For the second time that day, my heart dropped. "Kitten, of course I still want to date you. Why wouldn't I?"He looked at me "Because of this. Because of all of this. Everyone I love always gets hurt. It's dangerous to love me. I don't want you to get hurt."  I shook my head "Kitten, I love you. I always will. And it'd hurt me to leave you. I'm not leaving." "Really?" I nodded "Really." For the first time in awhile, Keith smiled. "Thanks James." I smiled and kissed his head "No problem Kitten. Now get some sleep." He nodded and laid down. I covered him with my fuzzy blanket, and headed towards the door. "Wait, James." i turned "What is it Kitten?" I asked, and he smiled softly. "Can you stay with me?" I smiled "Of course." I climbed into bed with him and held him in my arms. He soon fell asleep. He looked so at peace. So calm. His breathing was steady, and it didn't look like he was having a nightmare. I'd have to ask him about those someday. But not today. That was a talk for another time. I closed my eyes, and fell asleep, my Kitten in my arms.

I'm sorry. Have some videos