I Love You Keith

Lonely

James POV

I watched Keith as him and Adam walked away. And I swear, it felt like part of my heart was leaving with him. I fell back in my seat, leaning forward on my elbows and putting my face in my hands. Keith was really gone. He'd been expelled. "Wow. I never thought Keith would get expelled." Rizavi said. "We also never thought that all the shit that happened this year would happen either. Life is full of surprises." Kinkade said, agreeing with her. I felt the tears in my eyes try and come out, but I wouldn't let them see me cry. I wiped my eyes. "Well nothing ever goes how we plan, does it?" I said, standing. "James, you good?" Veronica asked. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" I asked. She looked concerned. "You sure." I nodded. "Yeah." "Alright." She said, relenting. I obviously wasn't going to talk about it with them, if at all. "Well, okay. If you're sure you're fine, wanna go play Mario Kart?" Pidge asked. I nodded, along with the others, who all voiced their agreement. We started heading towards Pidge and Veronica's room, my thought swirling around in my head. Mostly about Keith. The pain was still fresh and raw. But I didn't know what to do. I couldn't exactly go to Iverson and demand that they let him back in, I would get kicked out too. I just had to adapt and adjust. I'd see Keith in the summer. And next year I could some and go as I pleased, I could visit him. Him and Adam lived not too far from the Garrison, it'd be easy. 

We got to Pidge's room and she started setting up the game. It took longer than usual, because she normally had Keith to help her with it, but he wasn't here. Lance joined us after Hunk texted him, and we began playing. Well, the other's began playing. I just watched. My mind was too jumbled to play well anyway. I just stared at the screen, barely registering the changes. I mostly just glared at Lance anyway. This was his fault. If he hadn't provoked Keith, he wouldn't have gone to the office and he wouldn't be expelled. I wanted to fucking kill him, but then Veronica would kill me, so I couldn't do that.

Around 9, the others were still going strong, doing race after race. But I was tired. Physically and emotionally. I had been holding back tears since Keith had left. I quietly slipped out and went to my room. I got ready and stared into. then I let the tears fall freely. Keith was really gone. This wasn't just a bad dream. It's not like he was dead, but he wasn't here. I wouldn't see him again for a while. I had to stay with my dad for a few weeks before I could visit him and Adam. Which meant no more night time cuddles, or good morning kisses. Reassuring touches and looks when I'm working. No more waking up to see him smile, no more hanging out with our friends. 

Pull yourself together Griffin! A voice in my head coached. He's not gone gone. You just won't see him today or tomorrow. But you'll see him again soon. It's not worth crying about. I would just try harder from now on. I'd be the best. I'd be top in class, I'd practice and study more. I could do this. I'd be fine. And I'd see Keith in a few weeks. We could still FaceTime and text. I'd be fine. I splashed some water on my face, washing away the tears and the trails they left behind. This wasn't worth crying about. Then I climbed in bed, and for the first time in almost two years, I slept alone. No one to cuddle or hold. 

Just me, without my Keith.