BURN "28 Flames" Book One

One of Those Nights(10)

Suzy and I decide to go to Jukebox Lounge tonight. I protested but that was a short protest. I hated arguing with her about petty things. She would always find a way to make me not want to be around her with the debates about my life. It's my life and there were to many things going on in it that weren't very clear for my own understanding. So some slack from my best friend would've been nice.

I walked down to the Starbucks that was a few blocks away to get a Caramel Mocha and just some fresh air. After getting my drink I sat at the window and sipped admiring the sunshine although it was clod out the streets were clear of snow. I looked through my emails and posted on my Twiiter page that I would be hitting Jukebox Lounge to my followers. I sat my phone down on the table and finished my gaze out the window as I thought about no one other than him. Yeah it was getting very old I felt I was on the brink of needing a shrink and rehab for sure. He was apart of my daily life my every waking thought before and after I let my dreams of him dance around in my head. My heart fluttered and ached with lust and passion when he wasn't around. For days at a time I felt my body go into withdrawals and depression kept me drinking and drowning in my work.

I would default all contacts except for him I would wrap in the blanket that held his scent just to help ease my weary mind. But most embarrassing of all I would play with her while thinking of him and wishing he was there. I was madly obsessed over him mentally and my physical nature seemed precarious without him. Then he'd text and send gifts with notes that exceeded his metaphors. He kept me on my toes and kept this hold over me that I was paralyzed by his absence. I sighed at my feebleness and was internally angered at myself for becoming that girl again.

The promises we make to ourselves for strength seem to be the ones that fail. This girl I was made me feel lonely and shackled to this demented maniac that enjoyed playing mind games. But in the same breath I had an itch for him that only he could scratch. An itch to desire more from him whether I hurt from it or was completely satisfied with it. I rolled my eyes at that thought. He brung out the hate I had for myself and what he did to me only fed that demon.

I sat in my robe naked fighting with myself to stay home fall into a drunken stupor while watching Law & Order: SVU marathon. This was not the night for me I've had a mentally exhausted week and being around a lot of people only made me rethink my decision. But that was short lived because a knock was at the door I knew it was Suzy. I dragged to the door wiping my tired eyes.

We walked into the lounge the music smacked us with strange bodies dancing around. The florescent of the light made my eyes squint to see where I was going. Finally making it to the bar Suzy was dancing a bit while ordering us a few rounds of shots. I reluctantly took my first shot and let the nasty taste burn the back of my throat. I coughed a bit from the bitter taste and waited a few minutes before taking another one. Suzy on the other hand was downing hers like they were going out of style.

My back was turned to the dance floor when I heard his song Trust Issues blaze through the speakers and the crowd went into a frenzy. Suzy held her shot glass in her hand as she moved her body to the beat since her mouth was occupied by the liquid toxin that made her face look like she just swallowed a lemon. I turned around and watched as the crowd danced and the dj speaking inbetween verses.

I caught a glimpse of something out the corner of my eye. Although the smoke and lights were making it hard. I tried to focus in on it but I was to far away. So I drunk the last three shots and walked that way making sure not to bump anyone or fall on my face. The black velvet rope lined the open doorway for whoever the star was behind it. As I moved closer the smoke became thicker and the light dimmer. I fixated my eyes on the women who were dressed to kill and the men gawking at them. Then as I looked at the tag on the six foot something man that guarded the door read XO I almost tripped over my two feet and others that stood near me.

There he was with this hazy look in his eyes as her head in his lap pleased him gracefully. I felt my body heat rise and my emotions spilled over in disappointment and resentment. He was here with another woman digging her face in his lap while I stood in complete uttter anger and depression. My feet were like heavy cement and my heart was ice cold as I watched the show before my eyes. There were bottles of liquor and pills with glasses that held color liquids. He was in his zone and he wasn't coming to my house when he came down from it.

Finally my feet were able to find feeling and I darted through the crowd leaving Suzy wherever she was. I hailed down a cab to head to a hotel for the night. I couldn't face him anymore I was up to my neck in this mess and I needed to figure out how to get out of it. There was going to be no more crying and no more sadness. He had burned me for the very last time. It was One of Those Nights that I dreaded but it was here I faced it with much apprehension. Now it was after the fact of what I would do about it. I didn't know just yet but I was going to find out.