No Title

C. 21

Entry# 11

The young fool managed to get herself caught within the garden, and I can only blame myself for forgetting. The garden is made of angel devouring plant life and when I sent my Beasty on her exploration I forgot for only a moment that she had angelic blood coursing through her veins, my following mistake was forgetting to tell her not to go outside. I care deeply for my Beasty but she had found herself in quite the predicament and while I am thankful she had the sense to call for me it simply drives me mad that she found herself in that position. She is unaware, my beast does not know of the world she is now in and it does not help that I have not told her. If I am to admit the truth in these pages I do not want her to know, she is too pure, too innocent in my eyes to know the dangers that surround her, the monsters that creep in the shadows to take her away from me and do her harm.

There are too many dangers in this world, in any world for my beast and while I know she has the power to conquer each of her foes I do not want her to have the blood that stains my hands. She has no need to know death and if I allow her to protect herself, to fend for herself and allow the horrors to creep onto her then she will no longer be pure, she will be damaged, broken, there is no doubt in my mind that if I allow her to take the path of destruction then she will surely become me. If saving her from every shadow and being means keeping her from becoming me, from becoming broken and hated, then I will do everything in my power to protect her, I will come when she calls for my saving. She will never know the true extent of her powers because if she did, if she knew the chaos at her fingertips then she may just fall into darkness and there is no way out of there, I have searched for centuries and I have yet to find it.

While I wish for my Beasty to remain pure and innocent she makes it quite hard to resist the urge to take her. She blames herself for her unfortunate situations and wishes to only feel useful and comfort me but most importantly, she desires to feel my hands holding her. The way her arousal spiked when I wrapped my hands around her throat in an attempt to frighten her, the honesty she had when admitting to it, for a moment I lost myself. For only a few moments I allowed myself to become lost in her scent and her need but it was stopped as I reached her lips, her lovely and pink lips that begged for me to kiss them but I couldn't allow myself to do it. To taint the very thing that calls my name would be wrong, so I pulled away, but the young and persistent thing took matters into her own hands and I again became lost in the moment. I allowed my hands to hold her while we kissed, with each passing second I wanted more of her, I needed more of her but once again I found myself and ended the exchange before I was truly lost to her. I grew angry with myself for not stopping sooner, for going so far, and in my anger I raised my voice at the little thing and frightened her. My heart ached as she scampered to the study above and it ached even more when I called Mirabel to my bed. I knew that she heard everything, for quite some time I could feel her straining pain, her betrayal, even feel her worthlessness. I felt everything she felt but I continued, I drowned myself in the woman in front of me at the moment and now I sit in my study watching my beast sleep and I can feel nothing but shame for what I had done.

I felt shame, and anger, I feel afraid. Could it be that in over two hundred thousand years of my existence I finally feel fear for someone? I have never been afraid of anything but I fear for when she opens her eyes and looks at me she will see me in a different light. Not only do I fear the way her eyes will see me but I fear tomorrow, I have been receiving information from my scouts that there is a storm brewing in the heavens. It seems that my possession of a weapon powerful enough to dethrone God himself and even Lucifer has caused a war to spark. A war between me and the heavens, fighting for possession of the beast. Maybe I should let them claim her, take her and let an unworthy man taint her flesh and take her gaze for granted, or maybe they will kill her, destroying perfection forever. If they took her away then I wouldn't feel fear for what tomorrow holds, nor would I feel guilty for laying with a woman, but if I give her up then I will not feel the joy she has brought, nor will I feel complete when I lay with her in my arms.

What have you done to me Beasty? What is this power you hold so strongly over me, with many more questions to ask the one that plagues my thoughts is one I've never asked before: Beasty, is the love you have for me true or is it only because of the bond we are tied with, would you still look at me the same way if you weren't bound to me?

-Devnikalus C.