No Title

Ch. 23

Entry# 12

I am at a loss in this moment, there is nothing I can do, nothing I could do but to kill Mirabel. She would have died a slow death and most likely spoke of the power Beasty possessed and more would come after her to take it for themselves, so I had no other choice. It pained me to end Mirabel, she had served over two hundred years of servitude, coming to my bed whenever I called for her and never complaining, despite her only doing it because she had a debt to pay I had grown fond of her company. But I had to protect the beast that kneel in my bedroom just below, awaiting my return. I am at a loss, what am I to do? She tasted the power and from the wild and menacing look in her eyes she enjoyed it, she has the voices as I do and like the old me she can not control their chants of darkness and pain.

Could I protect her now that she has tasted less than an ounce of her true power? Would the voices continue and cause her to spiral into a darkness she can only escape by death? What am I to do?

I felt angry at Adalaide, she had allowed her emotions to devour her so quickly and succumbed to the darkness so willingly. But I learned that her own enemy was herself; unlike me there is a soul within Beasty, she feels guilt and fear, I realized that when she looked into Mirabel's eye and seen her reflection, for a second her violence faltered but was soon restored. I tested a theory I made on the spot and I was correct, her reflection, seeing what she was doing from the outside scared her away from the darkness. When I killed Mirabel I could only stare at Beasty, I had hoped that seeing my hand kill a woman would frighten her enough to stay away from the horrors of the dark but I will not know until the time comes.

I had to leave the room, I was angry, more at myself than at Adalaide and I didn't want to take out my frustrations on the poor thing. How could I be angry at her for embracing her natural instincts when I had never told her better? I could not be angry at her for disobeying my command because she was not in control, the power coursing through her veins and the voices chanting their venom controlled her mind and body. The more she uses the power the better it will feel and the more she will want to destroy.

I am afraid, of tomorrow and my power. I know the angels detected the use of her powers and now probably want to attack sooner due to her awakening such darkness, they could be at my land tonight, tomorrow, maybe they will never come, I have no way of knowing so I fear for tomorrow. I fear my own power because there is a possibility that I may not be prepared to protect my beast from herself. I fear that I was not enough to cage the demons in her mind when mine too wanted to run rampant when things became hectic. She was fueled by emotion, there is no way that I can save her from her emotions.... actually there may be hope.

-Devniklaus C.