Carved in the Heart

20

I also started going out with people, I wanted him to feel how he hurts me, but it seemed like I was doing that in vain because the person that I wanted to see wasn't around to notice it.

I felt wrong whenever someone asks me for a date and I approve.
But then again, I tell myself to not think too much, if he doesn't think twice before hurting me, why should I?

Later on, my friends from school told me that it's because I've not kissed him before that's why he's treating me that me.

I didn't know how to kiss because I hadn't done some before, apart from the pecks that Desmond has been giving me.

So I decided to learn how to kiss so that at least if that is what he wants, I can do that for him.

I arranged with a friend who told me that he would teach me how to kiss.
We met at a movie house and he taught me how to kiss.

'Do you know how to french kiss?' he asked me

'What is that one too? I thought kissing is kissing. I didn't know that there were types.' I told him.

'No wonder your boyfriend is cheating on you. You have to know these things. There are types and with the French kiss, you have to move your lips with the person at the same time.' He told me while showing me how to do it.

After some time, I told him I'm tired because I didn't see anything in this kissing thing that I'm supposed to learn it. I had to convince him before he let go of me.

Apparently, he said that he likes me and asked if I didn't feel anything when he was kissing me?

'I didn't feel anything after all, we were only having lessons. Thank you though. But I hope you know that I don't like you in that way right? I only see you as a friend and you also offered to teach a friend how to kiss. So don't take this the negative way.'

During that holiday, Desmond did something which really hurt me so I decided to break up with him, I mean I'm sure I'm not going to be fine at the initial stage but I know time will heal me.

I was at home when he came to me. He begged me to continue our relationship and forget about everything, he told me he won't do that again and that I'm the only girl he loves.

He went on his knees to beg in front of me and I forgave him. He gave me a hug and we decided to take a stroll like we always do at night.

We talked about us making sure not to bring up any issue that will bring us to argue, but deep in my heart, I was hurting I love the guy and I don't know when it happened exactly.

I didn't know if he truly loves me or not. But I had to take care of my heart.
I'm too young for him to be playing with my heart like that.

I'm happy we're back together but we both know that there are issues between us that are to be addressed which we are failing to do so because for me, I didn't want to be called a stumbling block again.

I also didn't want to stain this new memory that we are creating tonight. It's a very beautiful memory and I want to keep that for life. I want to remember this day for the rest of my life.

'Okay, good night, it's getting late so go home.' I told him as I saw that we've stayed out for so long.

'Good night, you too go home, it's late.' He also told me.

We were both standing there, looking at each other while repeating the same words over and again.

I don't know how it happened but it felt like we were the only people on the park at that instant. It was like there was a magnetic pull between us.

All that I realized was that our lips were touching at first and slowly, we began moving our lips together. It was nice, it wasn't like how I was thought by my friend.

This felt natural like it was meant to happen. We stayed that way for a while before we both pulled apart.
I couldn't believe that we just had our first real kiss after 5yrs of dating.

I want to keep this memory forever and I plan on keeping it forever. This day is one of the days that I can never forget in my life.

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Love,
Anything gold