Carved in the Heart

28

The exams has been completed, which means that I have completed senior high school. Desmond and all my other mates have completed as well.

When I came home, Chris came to visit me and I sacked him from my house. I told him that there’s nothing to threaten me with and that I don’t want to see him again.

He came there a few more times but I refused to see him. I’m done with all those dramas.

I was home one evening when my brother came to tell me that Desmond is down stairs looking for me.

I laid down for some time before going. I didn’t understand why he was looking for me while his girlfriend is there. So I went down to see him.

Immediately I saw him, I became annoyed. He was smiling I don’t know if it’s because he’s with his cousin or what. He was behaving as if all was well between us.

‘What do you want?’ I asked him without looking at him. I’m not looking at him because I will cry if I look at him. I still feel hurt. It feels like we just broke up meanwhile it’s been months.

‘I was passing by and I decided to check if you’re home.’ He answered

‘Okay.’ I replied.

‘Gold, I’m sorry for what happened between us, can you please give me another chance?’ he asked me. He looked sincere but I’m not going to give room for what happened to happen again.

‘When you came I was sleeping so please let me return to my sleep.’ I told him and left to my room. I didn’t look back. I didn’t turn around because the time I got to the door, tears were already dropping from my eyes.

I have been through hell in this relationship and breaking up has not made it any easier. For six months that we broke up, I still cry in bed.

I still can’t get over him and today he comes to do this. What is his intention? I guess he’s here to make me more hurt.

He’s come to apologize yet he recently posted a picture of both of them on social media.

Why am I crying for him? I asked myself.

I always tell myself not to cry and that he’s not worth my tears. But the more I say that, the more tears start to pour out from my eyes.

It’s been by the grace of God that I’ve been able to stay away from self-harm and any other thing that may harm me physically.

Going to church became a struggle because I had to see both of them even though Desmond was careful not to be around her in church.

I had to put on a smile and talk to Desmond. I had to pretend everything is okay with me. I saw that Desmond looked ragged at times but I behaved as if I hadn’t noticed.

Even though I’m hurting, I’ll hurt more if I get back to him only to realize he’s still with her. So I would stay in my lane. Once bitten twice shy.

Now I have to stop pinning over what has been lost and move on. So many guys have come my way but I tell them I’m dating because I’m not sure I can handle another broken heart whereas the previous one hasn’t even healed.

I think it’s time to move forward. Desmond Darling and I’s story has been closed. I have to move on I can’t keep chasing people away.
So I decided to start a new page.

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Love,
Anything gold.