Carved in the Heart

26

To say I was hurt would be an understatement, I just bottled up everything in me because I couldn’t let my friends see me weak. I had to laugh in front of them.

‘Natalie, we know you’re not fine, cry if you want to. Don’t act all too strong. We’re also your sisters even though we’re not from the same mother.’ Mary told me

‘Don’t worry I’m okay, I’m going to read.’ I told them moving to my bed.

When I laid in bed, I began crying silently. I guess Chris was right. I don’t have anyone but I also refuse to be with someone like him.

Finally, we were allowed to go home. When I got home, I decided not to call Desmond. In my mind, I’m not his girlfriend so he doesn’t need to know that I’m home.

Chris came to visit me at home but I didn’t come out to see him. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with his nonsense. So I asked them to tell him I’m not home.

Two weeks after I came home, Desmond came to visit me at home.

‘Eii Gold, when did you come home?’ he asked me when he came into my room.

‘Last two weeks’ I answered.

When I saw him I became annoyed. I didn’t want to see him, or be with him in the same space.

He lied to me. He’s been doing that since a long time and I have refused to see that. I was being too considerate and I thought that he loved me but he didn’t.

‘You came two weeks ago and you didn’t call me or visit me?’ he asked looking hurt.

‘Why should I call someone who isn’t my boyfriend? Please let me be and go to your girlfriend.’ I told him getting furious by his question.

‘What are you talking about?’ he asked me sounding confused. I looked at him and he was actually confused.

‘Go to Jessica, why are you here I thought you want to marry her.’ I told him laughing.

I was laughing because I was hurt. I was laughing because I don’t want to shed another tear for this guy. I was laughing because I didn’t notice he didn’t love me early. I was laughing because I’ve been a fool for long.

‘Wait, so it was you? I didn’t know that it was you. I I I ….’ He said stumbling over his words.

‘You don’t have to know that it was me, how many girlfriends do you have? I thought I was your girlfriend. All those times that you come here, all those times that you visited me when I was sick. All those times that I broke up with you, why did you beg me to come back again?

If you didn’t love me, why didn’t you let me go earlier? You could have told me you’ve found someone else. But you didn’t, what did I do wrong?’ I told him almost in tears.

‘It’s not that I broke up with her last year and she met me at the mall and told me she wants to come back so I asked her to prove it. So when the call came, I automatically thought it was her. I didn’t know it was you.’ He told me trying to get me to stand to listen to him.

‘Are you hearing yourself? Last year? Weren’t we together all those times? I’ve been with you for almost six years and this is what you do to me. You were even going out with her while we were together. You also asked her to prove her love to you while you could have told her that you have a girlfriend. It’s alright please leave. It’s late and I would like to go bed. You’re free to be with her, I’m not going to come in between someone else’s relationship.’ I told him going back into my room.

Somewhere in our conversation, we managed to get out of the room to continue our chat outside where others cannot hear us. As I was leaving, I heard his voice.

‘You never made me feel like your boyfriend.’ He told me quietly looking at the floor. He sounded very frustrated but at this stage I didn’t care.

‘What do you mean?’ I asked him turning to look at him only to find him passing his hands through his hair over and over again.

‘Nothing good night.’ He told me and left from my compound. I didn’t go with him to escort him. I didn’t get the normal hug and kiss.

I was feeling so cold. My heart was broken and this time it is more painful than the things he did previously. I really felt empty. That night, I slept in tears again.

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Love,
Anything gold