Broken and (Un) loved

Part 2 (yoongi pov)

I opened the door to my class and headed to the back. It was classic literature. I was not interested in it whatsoever so I would usually sleep in the back. The professor did not really care or waste his breath scolding me anymore because I would never change or care. Soon the bell rang and onto the second-period, psychology, it was the same thing. Soon as classes passed, I had my free period. Here, I usually got my homework done. After school was too hectic with my jobs so I would do whatever school work during school itself and what I did not finish was incomplete.

I opened my Macbook to access the homework. As I did it, I heard "hey babe how are you". It was my girlfriend. She usually stopped by during my study hall. "Can we hang out today, we don't really hang out much" she started.

"Babe I'm sorry I can't, I'm working".

She pouted "you're always working do you even love me? you never spend time with me". I turned my gaze away from the screen to her. That hurt a little. Of course, I loved her. She was my first girlfriend ever. Sure, I was new to dating and was not the warmest person to be around, but I thought she knew she was special to me.

"Baby it is not that, I do care, I am sorry I don't have time. I will try to use some of my money to treat you soon, I promise" I told her. She did deserve something nice and I did wish I had more time for her. Unfortunately, there were only 24 hours in a day and so much to do.

It was not easy, my parents did not support me. I was so busy working as a delivery boy to get money and my parents knew about that. However, I also worked on music and wrote my own lyrics and raps and sold them underground which not many knew. I would need my first job to support me and the family but also get some spare money which I mostly used to get to places and buy software to make songs. I know, many thought I was crazy.

When I told my parents I wanted to pursue music they had laughed. It had hurt me back then. I vividly remember my dad saying "Are you kidding? Go to university and get a degree and a proper job" and my mother chiming in "You can't make it". They did not know but those words had just pushed me further to prove them wrong, to prove everyone wrong, and finally make it.

Going to University was something I did but only because I had to. This was my backup plan in case I did not make it in the music industry. Honestly, I felt lost in life. People act like University is a magical place where you find something that appeals and go after it. However, each class is boring whether reading Shakespeare or solving calculus there was just nothing that "spoke to me". I had no epiphany or subject I wanted to do forever. Instead, I dreaded classes and loved leaving so having a career based on school classes was seeming like a boring hell for me.

Music however was my escape. I could always do what I wanted. I could change the beat, make my own rap and lyrics the way I want. I could rap as fast as I want. All the power was mine. The story was mine. There were no teachers bossing me around and enforcing their restrictions on work such as a double spaced 2-page essay. No restrictions on how deep the content could be. I could be raw with music- I could be me. And in the midst of my life confusion trying to figure out what subjects I may like, and trying to find any interest in my University classes, I felt at peace making music.