What had happened? Not again. The worry flooded my mind. They screamed about a pulse. My mind was whizzing. It was hard to process, and the glare of the hospital room was not doing me well. I had not eaten in too long too, but all I cared about was my Yoongles.
They couldn't find a heartbeat? What? I thought he was just sleeping a little bit. It had to be there, they were just not feeling for it properly. He was in my holding my hand the whole night. He was with me. He couldn't just leave me.
"Check it please, please, no" I begged. No, no, no, no. I felt like I was about to fall, I was growing dizzy. I heard a sound escape my lips. It was my own and I was shrieking for help. I don't know from who- but anyone. Anyone to wake me from this hell. My brave baby had overcome depression and suicidal thoughts. If anything a truck and a blackout should not kill him. It was unfair. I started mentally praying again. Everything was blurry because of my tears.
Soon a doctor approached me. "Did you fix the issue?" I asked him eagerly. I was met with a solemn no.
"I am sorry Miss Y/n..." NO! "NO! CHECK AGAIN" I yelled. I covered my ears. I could not hear it. My heart couldn't handle it. I grew faint.
I woke up to a nurse that was giving me apple juice. "Sweetie you blacked out," she said. I nodded. Then it hit me. "It was all a dream, right? He is ok right?" I bombarded her with questions.
"Oh, you poor thing" she muttered looking at me with a sad face.
My heart hurt. I felt robbed. We were supposed to have dinner. We were supposed to celebrate our anniversary soon. We were gonna go for years, I thought he was the one. We dreamed of marriage. Children. He wanted two- a boy and a girl. One was his second angelic princess, and the other his little rockstar. He was going to be a huge artist. All of it was gone. Dreams shattered.
I felt like I could not breathe. I did not know how to live without him. Ever since I came here, he was my comfort. He was my home. I felt abandoned without him. I was so alone. I needed him. If I was swimming in the deep end, he was my oxygen, I constantly went back to him and craved him. He was crucial for my existence.
A few days later it was our anniversary. At what should have been our anniversary which we planned to have a fancy date but then go for a walk on the bridge, and just do crazy fun things on the street was not a reality anymore. I could never hold him again. My arms... he died in my arms... oh my gosh. It was his favorite place as he said...at least he left comfortably though? It had just hit me that I went to sleep holding him. I hope he felt loved. I loved him until his last breath and beyond.
It hit me worse this time. I could never kiss him. I could never hold him or touch him or listen to his voice or his rap. I could never hold his hand or stroke it gently or pat his head.
Please listen to this version of this song now (and cry) :
YOU ARE READING
Broken and (Un) loved
FanfictionMin yoongi is a lost college student who is barely keeping up with his life. But what happens when life throws him a series of events which completely change his life and potentially his mindset?
