Broken and (Un) loved

Part 29 (Y/n pov):

After the funeral, I went to his room and downloaded all his music onto my phone. I would often listen to it and think of him and go over his lyrics and each rap. He truly expressed himself. I found a hidden track called - Y/n- it was a song about his love for me.

It was so heavenly, he was actually singing in it. Boy, could he sing! It instantly brought tears to my eyes. I never knew he thought I was heaven-sent the minute he saw me for the first time. I always thought I fell for him first, but he was just denying his feelings or hiding them because then he thought it was best. He always loved me- just like I loved him. I made this song my new ringtone.

Next to that file, I found his notes where he wrote many lines, and many were crossed out if he did not think they were good enough. As I read, I found notes as he brainstormed my song. He had written "I was a nobody, just broken and unloved. But you made me somebody- you made me yours". As I read that, a tear jumped from my eyes, but I was glad that he found solace in me, and I made him feel loved even if for a short time.

Sometimes, I would look at the sky or stroke my bracelet calling for him. Now, the stars had a new meaning. While they shined and reminded me if our memories, I mean he was the brightest star in my life there would ever be. I often looked and waved at the sky. I didn't care if I looked crazy.

Sometimes I would miss him and just look at our photographs and sigh. I fell in love with him all over again as I walked down memory lane and recalled each precious moment spent with him. Each facetime study call, each tease, everything. I locked all these moments in my heart and he had the key from heaven, these would never leave me ever.

When I was sad, I clutched his bracelet and it made me calm. When I was happy, I would look up so he could lovingly look down on me. I lived. I lived for him. He deserved a happy life and like his other half, I lived it for him. I knew in some years we would be reunited and I would tell him all the adventures I had. I knew in each struggle of mine he was looking down upon me giving me strength and with each joy, he was with me and it was all I needed.

He was my biggest strength in times of weakness and my biggest struggle, and this was not a goodbye. It was a see-you-later because I knew I would come to him soon enough and hold and caress him and his hair and kiss him like crazy, and these thoughts kept me going. I lived not for me but for him now. I loved him until his last breath but would never stop even after my last breath.

My only regret was not seeing him happier longer but I knew in heaven he was happier. And it was a matter of a short wait of my lifespan until he had me with him forever in our own utopia.