Y/n was not giving up on knowing why. I just felt so done with life. I told her that. I told her about my parents and their words and how it triggered everything. I said I was sorry for disappointing her. It was just I did not want to burden her but here I was now wasn't I? She told me it did not bother her but next time any time even 4 am I am free to tell her things. I said I would and this time I meant it.
Honestly, I was shocked that she liked me. Maybe because I felt worthless and nothing is there to like. As a friend, she was the only one who cared. I was scared of losing her friendship if we pursued this. However, if it weren't for that, I would go for it. She was beautiful and amazing. I would like to give her the love she deserves but I did not want to hurt her or one day lose her. She was the only good thing in my life. Too precious to me to lose and if I ever did I knew I would blame myself and be so hurt over it.
Even now, while my mind should be chaotic, while I should try to shut her out with my walls I could not. It was just Y/n. Her very presence calmed me. She was like a drug in that sense. She always just cooled me. If I was on fire she would be like ice and be my remedy and take the excessiveness away and make me normal again. It was with her I felt at peace- the closes to being 'happy' if that was even a thing anymore for me. And that is exactly why I was scared. She was my rock, she kept me afloat, if something happened to that- I couldn't even imagine...I never wanted to see such a day.
As we continued to look at the stars and night sky, the view was beautiful but the moonlight shone on her and she radiated. I extended my hand and ran my thumb across her lips and traced them. I bet she noticed but she did not even try to push me away. I did not know what took over me for a minute but I got up and kissed her. It was just a peck but still.
Maybe I was so thankful for her? Maybe it was because she was so pretty there in that moment? Maybe because if it weren't for the fear of losing her I would totally go for her too. Ever since I saw her I did have to admit she was beautiful and her heart was so caring and beautiful like her. She was an angel or some goddess who walked into my life. Seriously, even when she entered the door in the first-period class I thought she was stunning.
I pulled back but this time she kissed me again and this time roughly. It was so electrifying and my lips were on fire. They craved her touch. This time it was much longer because even she wanted to. It was heightened with so much sexual tension, but I couldn't do that. As much as I wanted to it was wrong. And when we were done I touched her face. "Sorry, but you are so beautiful I-" she cut me off "It was probably an accident but I obviously liked it".
"You know Y/n if I did not love you so much that losing you would hurt me so bad and I don't know how to function without your love, I would date you. It is just I don't want to take the chance of hurting or losing you" I whispered.
YOU ARE READING
Broken and (Un) loved
ФанфикшнMin yoongi is a lost college student who is barely keeping up with his life. But what happens when life throws him a series of events which completely change his life and potentially his mindset?
