Her & her

5 Years

I didn't know you broke my heart until 2019

It's amazing what the distance of 5 years can allow you to see

I hate how even with that distance I still think of you

Still wish that I was beside you

Still wish that I could occupy your orchard fertilized by the fruits your words killed

-still wish that I was enough-

I will never forget the look in your eye as you dismissed me for the last time

That moment is a stain upon my soul of which nothing can remove

-and believe me

I have tried everything-

I will never forget how the world swayed beneath my feet as I heard those words of yours from another's mouth

Your heart-felt disgust

-of me

who loved you

who would have done anything for you

I would have died for you-

Turned into yesterday's gossip

5 years later and I know I did everything right

Because everyone tells me so

5 years later and I still don't believe them

Because you still have an iron grip on my brain

5 years later and I'm still not free of you

You haunt me in my lowest valleys like the banshee your words invite

You trail behind me in the shadows as I climb each mountain in my path

My 3 am thoughts are of you

-do you ever think of me at all?

did you ever care?

why did you leave me trampled on the ground like I was nothing?

I was ready to call you my best friend

you broke my spirit and I still almost ran after you

I still might-

You taught me that broken things were prettier

So why did you leave me behind?

I didn't know I loved Her until 2019