BestSelf {book 2}

5.

I've been in my room for about a good week straight now. It's been exactly a week since I got the abortion.

I really thought that was something I could handle but I was really wrong.

After we left the clinic as soon as I got in the car with Keenan I just started crying.

* a week ago *

"Why are you crying Ti? I thought this was something you wanted to do?" Keenan asked me.

I wiped my face "it was , I just .. I never thought that's something I would ever have to go through, if it were yours I'd be happily pregnant right now" I told him truthfully.

I heard him sigh and then pull me in for a hug "I don't think anyone's ever ready for an abortion , yes people love to claim that it's not even developed yet it's just a cell and even though that is true it was also a potential life that you simply chose to just take away. Now I'm really trying to word this without it sounding more painful than it already does but listen Ti .. you made the decision that was the best one for you. Not anybody else. You knew you weren't ready to have a baby yet, let alone have to eventually explain who the father is to the child or what he did to you"

Keenan was honestly rambling , but I knew what he was going for.

"Are you high?" I asked him "I may have ate an edible on my way out the door, I didn't think it was gonna kick in till hours later I'm sorry" he said.

I just shook my head "I wasn't expecting you to say you wanted to hit the clinic either but hey I was still very comprehensive" he claimed.

I laughed at him because he was so stupid "I swear I use to wonder everyday where the hell did you even come from" I told him.

"The Bay Area" he said "I know that stupid, it's time to go home" I shook my head and he started the car.

"You know damn well that was a rhetorical question" I chuckled

* present day *

Even though Keenan made me a feel a little better with his stupidity, it's like as soon as I get home and I'm by myself my mind just reminds me of everything I've been through.

"Hey Ti" my mom came in my room. I looked up at her "hey mom".

"So you went through with the abortion? How are you feeling? I really wanted to give you time to let everything sync in before I came to ask you" she told me.

"I don't know, I feel sad... and lost"

"I was the same way" she told me "you had an abortion?" I asked her.

"I had an abortion and miscarriage..."

"Ma I had no clue"

"It's not really something I like to talk about, but I first got pregnant at sixteen, but it wasn't with your father it was a different man that was a complete mistake. Then I got pregnant again at eighteen this time with your father but I ended up having a miscarriage, that was the lowest I've ever been in life. So we didn't try again until I turned twenty and that's when I had your brother and then you at 22, and Tay'Vian at 25" she explained to me.

"So you kept trying even after going through a miscarriage ? What about school ? What happened with that?"

"Well I really wanted to be a mom so of course I wanted to keep trying, school was still there, I didn't attend university until later in life , I got my associates at the local community college and then that's when I transferred to Fisk and got my bachelors, while also having your brother and you"

She's a strong woman because whew.

"Do you miss him? Trey?" I asked her.

"I miss him everyday but I know for a fact if he was here that he'd be supporting you and here for you"

"Do you think he's ever coming back?"

"I don't think so, after that argument with him and dad, I don't think I'll ever see him again. I've tried reaching out of course, he responds when he can but he's completely disconnected himself from this family" I saw her getting teary eyed so I pulled her in for a hug.

"I miss him too" I said in our hug.

"Yeah it feels like I lost a child even though I technically didn't , I just wish he would call or pop up yah know? When was the last time you spoke to him?"

Now that I think about it "I don't remember"

My brother and I were very close when we were younger but my father told him that if he tried to become apart of that street life when he literally didn't have too he was gonna be out of this house.

He didn't want us associating with him either because we don't know who he be around and he was just always getting into some shït.

One time someone tried to break into our house just to get to him and that's when our father kicked him out for good.

"Do you think Tay'Vian talks to him?" I asked her.

"Of course all of you were so close and them two were like best friends so I feel like they check up on each other every once in a while without your father knowing" she explained.

"Yeah maybe , But I really had no clue you went through all of that.. how are you so okay and happy now?" I asked her.

"Well Ti, healing is a very long never ending process ... you can be fine one day and then not fine the next and that is perfectly okay. Some days I do have my bad days whereas other days I'm just happy to be the mother of you two beautiful girls, you gotta remind yourself of things that make you happy and that you want to fight for , you can't let your thoughts win because then you'll be miserable and sad all your life and you're still young so who wants that right now ?"

"But don't rush your process, you will be okay in time , you will look back at this years from now and be able to say this was something you conquered ... you've been through a lot this past year and because of the fact that you're still here talking to me about it and in tune with your emotions just shows how much progress you've made already because Ti when we first got back you wouldn't eat, talk or come out of your room ever. We were lucky if we saw you in the kitchen"

"I remember that, I can't believe I never looked at it like that" I started getting emotional again because my mom is right even if I don't feel like I have ... I've been making progress.

"Now Kendall told me she's on her way here ! So surprise ! Kendall's coming!" She said excitedly

I smiled and just hugged her again "you're the best mother anyone could ask for ! Please don't ever feel like you're not. I love you so much ma" I told her.

I felt her arms get tighter around me "and you're the best daughter ever, I love you"

"I love you more"

"Impossible"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Expect a lot of intimate chapters during this book with Ti & Her Mother.

This book you guys are going to learn a lot about the backgrounds of Tiara's family and a little bit of Keenan's if you didn't peep.

I feel like a lot of stories never go into the background of the characters parents or how the main characters grew up so why not go down memory lane a few times & it's all to help Ti get better so I can't wait to dig in !!!

Thank you guys so much for reading , commenting & voting !!

I love youuuuuuu alllllllll

XxJordyn