The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma

The Crustacean Gang Kid

Someone went to Boston and brought back a stuffed lobster. He started the crustacean gang with a really creepy kid.

In civics, this guy, who looks like a child predator, was searching through his bookbag when a huge blue sequined stuffed lobster fell out. He turned around, shushed me, and said "crustacean gang."

He keeps a maraca he got in Puerto Rico in his bag, and when my civics teacher plays a song at the beginning of each class, he dances with it. He terrorizes the sweetest girl in class.

I had never had a formal conversation with him before, but one day in LA class, he touched the home button on my phone to see my lock screen. This is already creepy, but it was the Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge album cover. He goes "Oh cool!" Because he thinks it's anime fan art. I asked him what his general interests were. His response was "Anime, SpongeBob, and Hentai." I asked him if there was anything else, and he said he would get back to me. At the end of the class, almost an hour later, he says "Goth girls and aquariums!" in the most proud way.

He once waltzed, and my teacher, who's a professional dancer, was really into it and complimented on his form.

He brought up that he likes Green Day in the most robotic and fake way, and I told him that they were one of my favorite bands. He showed me his Nirvana merch, and the conversation was over.

The next day, he comes in and shows me his phone. He pirated like 20 of their songs just to show me.

One of my teachers was super late to class one day, so we were all stuck in the hallway. He started talking about music. Five Finger Death Punch, Weezer, the usual. He was holding an orange. This dude has been squeezing this poor orange. The teacher comes to unlock the classroom. He normally pulls out a maraca and starts dancing across the room. Instead, he asks people to touch his orange. He throws it at the other crustacean gang kid, and then picks it up completely unharmed. He sets it on my desk and tells me to touch it. Me being me, I do. It. Was. Warm. He terrorized the rest of the class, eventually throwing it at my fake mom. I picked it up, trying to end his reign of terror, and it was moist. I'm never going to forget the discomfort. The last thing he said before throwing it away was "Eventually, we will all touch the orange" in the most ominous voice.

He asked me to dance with him and his maraca "no hetero."

He came up to me before math class just to tell me he shaved.

He bought a bunch of band bracelets just to say "Look Sam, I'm emo too now!" First of all, no. Second of all, who said I was emo?

At this point, I know he likes me. I've tried to scare him away. He. Asked. Me. To. The. Dance. I'm a failure.

Asked me to the library after school after I said I barely even knew him so that he can tell me about himself. We already know how that went last time.