I'll Save You

How Can I Do This?

5 months and 3 weeks later...

    I couldn't sleep. Even when it was well past midnight and the bags under my eyes only seem to darken as time passes. It's almost been six months since I went back in time and created this new timeline. While I have gotten stronger, mastering multiple weapons, being able to keep every single gate open at once, hiding my aura, learning spells, it seems like I've only gotten worse. The scar on my right side has gotten darker -to the point where it's almost black- and the vines are now wrapped around my hips. It doesn't hurt, so I'm grateful for that. On the days that I can get sleep, I dream of a village filled with laughter and red flowers. Every once in awhile I see a girl with beautiful long black wavy hair and silver eyes laughing. The dreams are just flashes of images; I can't ever seem get the full picture. And although the dreams are filled with laughter and lightness, they always seem so sad. I always wake up even more tired then before I fell asleep. I try to ignore the feeling of longing I get when I see the village and the beautiful flowers, but it always sticks to me; never letting go.

    My conversations with Natsu are only getting farther and farther apart. It started when he asked a question about my health. I had lied, but that had only seemed to make him more determined to find out what was wrong. I hate myself for doing this, but I'm pushing him away. I'm pushing everyone away in fear that they'll find out just how messed up I am. The only reason why I got to the guild anymore is to go on a job that can fill in my rent. I always go early to avoid Natsu and the others, but sometimes that's not the case. I want to talk to them, I really, really do, but I can't. Part of me thinks that I don't deserve them, that I don't deserve their comfort; not when I'm going to let a friend die when I can very well stop it.

    One more week.

    In one week Sting, Rogue, and Minerva (along with the exceeds) are going to walk in with keys in their hands to declare that Yukino is dead. I'll be there; sitting silently and comforting them because I was the one being comforted last time. A week later, Yukino's killer will come through the doors asking to join. Last time we let him because we didn't know he was the one to make our friend suffer. Only to find out when I summoned Libra and Pisces to form a contract in the guild, did we find out who that monster was. He was soon taken away and imprisoned for life.

    A part of me earns to beat the shit out of him.

    I get out of bed, knowing that sleep won't come to me tonight. I'm going to do more training this week, hoping it will distract me from the crushing of my chest that only seems to be getting heavier. As I get ready, I think. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I've realized how lonely I've become. Even now, The broken Lucy (She's come to terms that she isn't Lucy of Fairy Tail anymore) still hates the feeling of loneliness, perhaps I never will get used to it. That brings comfort to me; at least a part of me hasn't changed. My thoughts move on to the celestial spirit king. At the moment, he's irritating the hell out of me. He won't tell me about my scar saying that 'I'm not ready to know' or 'it's not time yet, old friend'. It frustrates me to no end and it only confirms that whatever this scar is, isn't good.

    I walk out of the door and start jogging to my training spot. As I'm running, I bump into someone. I quickly say sorry without making eye contact and was about to start running again before a hand snatches onto my wrist. I couldn't help but flinch at the sudden contact.

    "Lucy?" I look up to find that Gray was the one I bumped in to. I haven't talked to him in awhile, but I have heard that him and Juvia are getting closer. If I'm correct, they should become an official couple in a little over a month.

    "Oh. Hi Gray." I say in a voice little above a whisper. I didn't know what else to say, and to be honest, I really didn't feel like talking to anyone right now. I just felt like I needed to train, train, train, but it seemed like fate had other plans for me.