I'll Save You

How To Explain

    This amazing artwork is not mine ^.^

    It's funny, isn't it?

    How you keep on pushing yourself no matter how tired you get. How you keep surpassing your limit each and every time until you're not even sure if you even have a limit to break anymore. It's like it just shattered, and you want to feel proud about this, but you aren't. You keep going, even though you know you should stop. It's addicting. And then, once you think you're doing so good (you're not), you're mind starts to tell you that it's not good enough. You try to fix this, thinking you can fix it -but you can't. And once you realize this, you feel something that you'd think would be impossible to feel. You feel so out of place; like you're trying to fit a piece of a puzzle into a puzzle in which it doesn't belong too. It's like all that hard work was for nothing, and you question why you're still doing this.

    It's frustrating, but at the same time, it's not. You don't know how to feel about this. Disappointment that you'll never reach your standards that just seem to become higher and higher? Or is it something else? Thinking about this only makes you feel more out of place and numb. So, you ignore it. Even though it seems like you're in so many people's lives, it doesn't mean you are. Even though you thought you knew what you were doing, the truth is, is that you don't. You thought you knew who you were, but you don't even know that.

    And that makes you question everything.

___________________________________

    It's been three months since Kai was arrested. Nine months since Lucy created this new timeline. Another three months until Lucy hopes to be ready.

    The scar is growing.

    It doesn't bother her, nor does it scare her. The scar is right below her chest now and if you looked closely, you could see smaller black vines at the tips of her fingers. Lucy has grown a liking to gloves and sweaters now. She can't help but miss her old attire though, it's like she lost apart of herself that she didn't realize she held so close to her heart. Wearing those revealing outfits were a symbol of her freedom away from her father. It showed the confidence that Lucy had yet to attain at the beginning.

    Lucy thinks none of that matters anymore (it does).

    Two weeks ago she attained the celestial king's star dress. Lucy remembered how happy she was. The pure light that flowed through her felt amazing it was like being given a warm hug. A part of the old Lucy came back at this feeling, and she couldn't help but admire the outfit. It was an armored dress with the colors of navy, golden yellow, and silver. She had armored gloves and shoulders with big armored boots. Her hair was sent up into a ponytail with a star hair clip. She had a sword very similar to the king's and although it looked heavy, it wasn't.

    Lucy couldn't help but feel beautiful.

    She was so happy in fact, that she wanted to show it to her friends about her latest evolvement. Lucy never felt like her training was ever enough and felt like it wouldn't have been good enough to show to her friends. But Lucy was really proud of this. She had worked for months nonstop to gain enough power to wield this star dress, and all of that had paid off. And it felt really, really good.

    And when she showed her friends, they were all so proud of her. They were smiling and that made her even happier, because she knew that her friends were happy.

    Erza asked if she wanted to dual sometime, and that was amazing because she had always looked up to Erza and to know that Erza wanted to dual with her sometime made Lucy all fuzzy and light inside. Lucy told her someday, but she couldn't help but feel as if that was a lie.

    That feeling scared her; and in an instant, that warm feeling was gone. But by time it was gone, no one was there to call her out on it because she was back in her bed in her dark and cold room.

    That warm feeling felt so distant now -almost like a dream. Lucy thought that was pretty fucked up, because in the first time in months she felt truly happy. It was like she had been a child on Christmas morning.

    The feelings of it not being good enough threatened to swallow her whole, but Lucy clung tightly to whatever it was that was preventing her from giving up.

    Lucy liked to think that it wasn't saving the others that wouldn't make her give up, but herself. She knew that it was probably selfish to think this was, but she just couldn't bring herself to care. The thought of giving up felt liking she was failing the Lucy who had casted that damn spell. That Lucy knew that she could become good enough to save her friends no matter the costs.

    She was afraid of failing herself, and that's what kept her going.

Okay, Okay... I KNOW this chapter is like supperrr short, but I honestly think that if I would makes this chapter any longer-it would just loose it's purpose. Plus the next chapter should be out by this Monday, maybe Sunday. I haven't really been proud of my writing lately, but I really like this chapter. The writing style is different in some ways and usually switching different styles is hard for me, but this kind of just flowed for me!

Sorry if the beginning was kind of weird. That was more of a vent for me than anything else, but it still went with the story so I decided to put it in!

Hope everyone has/had a good day!