you're my nightmare, and i love you✔️ {p.jh+k.yh}

[thirteen]

as new years rolled around, jaehyung watched the shiny stars as he sat down on the roof. it wasnt as rusty as it used to be, because he had enough money to replace it. and at the same time, he started finisng some other parts of the house.

since he started college all he did was either stay at home or use the bus to go to school. other than that he needs to buy some medicine from the pharmacy because his mother is getting ill. he didnt know the reason but his mom constantly asks him to buy sleeping pills. about getting drunk, well, it wasnt going well. his father passed away being in prison, even if medication is available he wouldnt want to accept it. the last letter the man had ever given his son is about his mother who should stop getting drunk. but that was two years ago, and he hated his father anyways.

which made him think, he only has his mother in his family. as a kid, he never got to meet his cousins and he doubt that there are even any. he knew that his only best friend is his sister who lost her life years before his father did, and since then he never had the chance- no, he didnt even want to see her grave. it hurts too much but after a few months he forgot about it moved on. some deaths are better off remembered but some dont.

anyways, he took out his take out burger and took a bite off of it. smiling, he saw a star shining the most bright and another one falling diagonally in the sky.

a wish.

what do i even wish for? life? death? a bottle of soda to clean my throat?

but i want to wish...

...for him to come back to me.

jaehyung closed his eyes, hopefully that the wish would come true. its been three years since he last saw younghyun, and in those years jaehyung went back to school on the next year of school to find the younger gone. even their bandmates couldnt contact him anymore; even his parents. jaehyung chose to forget about him even if his first kiss was with the boy. it wasnt pleasant, but it was his first. his mother told him that her first kiss is with someone else other than his father, but it was another man who she broke up with after her parents disagreed with her relationship with him. she continued her life to find another man which is now jaehyung's late father.

and in those years, he still thinks about him. his smile, his face, his warm hands that he sees but never touches. he hates skin ship and so does younghyun so they never hug or even hold hands. but thats fine- theyre never in a relationship anyway. jaehyung tried to, but hes shy. everyday, every night, he thinks of the boy, and if someday he comes back to his life he would constantly hug younghyun.

he loves him a whole lot, you see.

now that he is left alone with the other three, he still stayed a band without their other guitar player. everything turned out fine but the four of them realised that they are missing a writer. but they were able to keep up because jaehyung writes songs too, but with poor results. he usually writes songs about love, and how much it relates to the boy left him three years ago with no trace.

opening his eyes, he saw the night sky, but water started falling and he realised that it's raining. going inside his room quickly he viewed the city lights that hang beside the streets of their small city. it still stayed the same for a few years and the people did too. some sad events happened, like how the owner of a fruit shop lost his bestfriend and roommate due to some causes that he never understands. it was sad for a long time, but after that he was able to accept his death.

there are some things that are worth discussing after younghyun left so suddenly. first, jaehyung assumed that younghyun died and since then he started texting him, saying that he misses him and wants him to come back. but there was never a reply. maybe a few times a week he would describe his day, mostly would be about some rants and fights in class. slowly after he goes to college, jaehyung forgot about writing because of how busy he is with work and even an extra job to pay for his mother's medicine.

but the thing that he enver realises is that younghyun never logs in into the chatroom anymore, since his father has done a few things to keep him away from the environment that he used to love so much.

and that costed younghyun a lot.

jaehyung never really understand why, or how, younghyun is able to get rid of all social relationships with the people that he loves and adores the most.

all he hoped was younghyun to come back to his life and color it again as it has been boring and lifeless, just as it used to be before he met such a sunshine.

"fuck it. there's no way."

before he got to change to his sleepwear, jaehyung drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
...

this sucks