wish i were ⇾ p.c

12- listen before i go

"call my friends and tell them, that I, love them. and I miss them. but I'm not sorry."
-billie eilish

When I stepped inside my house and saw the note on the kitchen island, I knew I was in some type of trouble.

Kaylee,
IF YOU ARE NOT HOME WHEN I GET BACK FROM SCHOOL IM CALLING MOM AND DAD.
-randy

Oops.

Also I guess I forgot to mention that Randy's calling my mom mom now. It made me kind of mad but I never commented on it. Of course it made her and Josh happy, because it's like this new little family is really coming together. She hasn't said anything to me, but I know she's disappointed that I don't call Josh dad. But why would I? He's not my dad and he's never gonna be.

Besides, him and my mom aren't even married yet! So technically he isn't even my stepdad. They finally have a date though, but it's all the way in August. They wanted to have a summer wedding. Good for them. It's whatever.

I went upstairs to my room. I felt really sick, hangovers totally suck. I wanted to just sleep again, but I couldn't. I must've lay in bed for hours, but sleep never took over, so I finally gave up.

By the time I pulled my sleep deprived self out of bed, I heard the front door creak open. Randy must be home. Shoot, it hasn't been that long, has it?

I heard loud footsteps running up their stairs. The door to my room slammed open and he sighed in relief when he saw me. "God, Kaylee. Where were you? You can't just disappear like that!"

I understood why Randy was angry with me but at the same time he was just really pissing me off. I couldn't help but snap at him. "Why do you care so much!" I didn't want to but it's like I couldn't stop myself.

"Um, because you're like, kind of my sister now? Imagine my shock when I don't see you for half a school day and none of your friends have seen you and I come home and you're not here. And I stay up all night and you don't show. And then you don't come to school the next day! Can you imagine how worried I was?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Can you get out please? You're giving me a headache."

He looked at me in shock. "Are you fucking serious Kaylee? So you're not gonna explain anything, where the hell were you?"

I shook my head. "I don't have to explain anything to you. Get out of my room."

He just shook his head and walked back to the door. He paused right in front of the doorway and turned around to face me again. "I covered for you, by the way. The school thinks you went home early sick. You're welcome."

He slammed my door and stalked off.

I sighed and stared at my reflection in the mirror. What's happening to me?

I'm a good kid, I really am. All those times I'd seen drunk people around, I hated it. I hated drunk people because you never know what they would do. I always figured that I would never, ever want to drink, just for the sole reason of how scary it is to be drunk.

But for whatever reason, it made me feel better. Drinking gas difference effects on lots of people, it can make people angry, sad... but for me it just made me emotionless. Empty. Forgetful. And I loved it. It stopped the pain for a while and that's all I ever wanted, to stop the pain.

***
tw// sexual assault
The next day at school, all my teachers had given me the work I missed yesterday, from when I was "sick."

The day went by slow, and all I wanted was to go home and try to sleep. I didn't sleep at all that night, and when I say at all, I mean it. Not a wink. But the most shocking part was that I didn't even really feel tired anymore. And I looked fine. No eye bags or anything. Maybe it was another side effect of the alcohol. I'm not really sure.