john had himself propped up on his side, holding his head in his hand as he watched another shitty netflix original comedy special. at this point, he was watching whatever he could get. after watching both the oscar nominations and the golden globe nomination lists, he was running out of options. but he'd rather watch random dude being mildly homophobic and then read people on twitter calling it out. anything was better than sitting up in the living room and have to listen to the nerd patrol talk about talking rainbow horses with wings.
dirk had infiltrated john and terezi's apartment- again. they would spend all day watching, my little pony: friendship is magic. john had never watched sixty seconds of the fucking garbage, but he knew he hated it. maybe. sixty seconds doesn't exactly make an impact. but that doesn't really matter. it's a kids shows and these are grown adults.
this was the fourth time dirk was sitting on john's couch in john's home eating john's snacks with john's roommate. he was upset about it, no he wasn't because yes he is. no he's not ❤. it's the fucking ponies! brings out the worst in him. whatever. he opened up pesterchum and started pestering rose.
[ectoBiologist has started pestering tentacleTherapist]
EB: rose.
EB: what makes adults watch kid shows? specifically, kids shows about ponies?
TT: Most likely in response of lack of a proper childhood, why? Is someone watching kids shows that are specifically about ponies?
EB: terezi and dirk, he's taking up my spot on the couch.
TT: Oh, well that honestly makes sense. both had to grow up incredibly fast and lacked true parental guidance. Their guardians weren't around, they both grew up incredibly isolated.
EB: oh. :frowning:
EB: i was kind of hoping you would say they were just really childish or something.
TT: That too.
TT: Leave them be. Have you seen the Oscar's best directors nominations for this year?
EB: yeah, and i watched all of the movies too. it is all just all the same a-listers. it's boring.
TT: That is true. What are you doing while Dirk is over? Flirting, I presume?
EB: no, ew.
EB: sitting alone in my room would be the correct answer!! good luck next time.
EB: i am definitely going to go bother them though!
TT: John, this could be them coping. Things like age regression and watching children's programming let's people with trauma almost relive they're childhood.
EB: you are being such a bummer!!! i don't think the ponies really have that deep of a reasoning. AND, they took the couch, and it has slightly less spit on it compared to the rest of the house.
EB: i am tired of spit, rose.
[ectoBiologist has ceased pestering tentacleTherapist!]
john shut his laptop and sat up, sliding his feet off his bed and standing with a big stretch. he was bored and was going to bully the nerd patrol. he pulled a neon blue garfield hoodie over his head, adjusting his glasses and hair with a sigh and hobbled out of his room into the living room. john leaned against the doorway and looked at what was on the tv screen.
"how do you actually enjoy watching this garbage?" he asked without moving his eyes from the screen. he got an angry look from his roommate in return.
"oh, you mean the masterpiece of good morals and appealing western animation that is my little pony: friendship is magic?" dirk replied, trying to get a rise out of john. the thing is- the dude has never seen more than a few episodes. he just thought rainbow dash was cool. terezi was a brony and dirk just enjoyed the company.
"it's just anime horses. it's a shitty kids cartoon."
"it's not anime dumbass. this is western animation," dirk put on a stupid know-it-all voice. "plus, if terezi likes it, its not for kids."
terezi, who had been barely listening to this, still entranced by the piece of art on the screen, chuckled at that.
"whatever," john said, turning back around. "it's still dumb." he walked back into his room, defeated by gay people. he had a frustrated look on his face... well the best he could. he kinda looked constipated.
normally, john wouldn't have given up, but something about dirk made him more embarrassed when it was just his close friends. he bit at the skin around his nails, wandering around his room not knowing what to do. he threw himself down on his bed, fiddling with a prank gum pack that flung a toy cockroach out when you pulled at the stick of gum. he didn't know why dirk had to always come to his apartment. like, terezi can have friends over, god knows they needs it, but dirk is just a weirdo. john has barely had any interaction with him. he was just his bestfriends brother. do people, like, hang out with their friends siblings? no. that's weird. he tossed the toy onto his nightstand and rolled over on his side. he rolled over to his other side to grab his switch and unplugged it. he powered it on and flipped through the news, not having energy to actually play a game properly. he messed around on the NES online play puzzle games until he ended up passing out.
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john woke up to someone poking his face. whatever, just ignore it maybe they'll go away. he stayed unmoving with his eyes shut. well, until someone licked his fucking eyelids. his hands shot out and his eyes swung open. terezi fell on their ass from where they had been squatting with a cackle.
john let out incoherent noises and looked at them with wide eyes, whipping the spit off his face with his palm.
"i was checking if you were still sleeping," they said with a stupid grin across their face. honestly, he was kinda used to this. he just brushed it off and sat up.
"what do you want? i thought you and dirk were hanging out." he stated as he corrected the position of his glasses, still bitter.
"it's the next day, dipshit. he's been gone, stupid. i'm not letting TWO gay men sleep in my house. by the way, your phone has been blowing up, i'd check it if i were you." terezi got up and walked out of his room after grabbing at another prank toy on his dresser.
"our house," he half heartedly called out to them as they left, almost forgetting the most important part. "i'm not gay!"
he watched her leave and immediately grabbed his phone off his night stand. they were right, new groupchat notifs.
[turntechGodhead has created a groupchat]
dave: party at my house tonight babes
dave: bring your finest juices were getting wine drunk
dave: we're gunna be like those moms that drink at their kids playdates but were both the kids and the moms at the same time
dave: call that the mom paradox
jade: what's the occasion!!
dave: movie fun time
dave: john bring your minecraft girlfriend
jade: yay!!! what time is everyone coming :3? i wanna tell nep
roxy: go puppy gurl lovins the enthusiasm
dave: do not care
jade: wait-
jade: were missing someone!!!>:(
jade: two someones!!
dirk: We are?
dave: no
dave: i got explicit instructions to not invite those someones
dave: we don't like clown fuckers i guess
dave: i think i can get behind it
dave: seeing as one of them is super alien racist and the other fucks the alien racist
dave: call that the alien racist paradox
jade: oh.
roxy: valid LOL
roxy: my besties can fuck clowns, but it stops at racism
roxy: low standers from the rox department
rose: Kanaya and I will also be attending.
rose: Message me your snack requests, it's assumed popcorn and gummy worms will be in order.
dave: hell yeah snacks
rose: Is John coming also?
jade: yeah it's not a movie night without the movie guy! :((
john: i am here!!! sorry i slept for like eighteen hours.
john: but, okay i guess, ill be over.
dave: cool
dave: now we can have a movie night
dave: call that the movie guy paradox
john: stop talking about paradox's!!!
roxy: hells yeah! movie night with the gays!... and john!
[ectoBiologist has left a groupchat]
john made plans, i guess. well, he knew he needed to get out of the house so this was inevitable... but everyone is going to be there, including dirk. i don't know why he keeps thinking about him! he has never had a problem with him, he's just consistently just existed in his life but has never made a strong impact. it doesn't matter, at least his racist grandparents aren't coming.
he finally got out of his bed after scrolling through tiktok for an hour. he kept on the half assed multi-shade blue outfit he was wearing; he'd change later if ever. he had to go bug tz about going. he walked over to their bedroom door and knocked quietly, just brushing his knuckles across it. he heard their voice grumble as a half-assed 'come in'. he slowly cracked the door open to see terezi sprawled out across a beanbag chair reading a warrior cats book, sitting like they had just melted. the lights were a soft dark blue, distorting the glow and color of their brightly colored neon room. but that's unimportant, you're probably wondering how a blind person reads... brail, stupid.
"movie night at dave's, wanna come?" he asked. they looked up from their book, finally acknowledging his existence.
"who's going? i don't wanna be surrounded by lame-asses like you." they asked, sticking their tongue out. they stretched their arms up after dog-earing their page and tossing it down.
"same as last time."
"sounds marvelous," they said, mocking a british accent with a snicker.
"we can leave whenever you're ready." john said, getting a thumbs up in return.
he returned to his room, feeling sort of happy. not sort of, he was happy. he needed this. john picked out a comfy yet non-depressed looking outfit, a yellow hoodie and the same pair of navy blue sweatpants. he popped on some doggy socks and donned his crocs (terezi had a matching pair, and he was totally gonna force them to wear them tonight). he sat in his desk chair, messing around on the same puzzle game he played the night before. once terezi had gathered all of the kandi on the face of the earth, they headed out to do john's second favorite thing (only second to being an epic prank master), watching dumbass movies.
YOU ARE READING
butt jokes - dirkjohn
Fanfictiona young man by the name of john egbert stands alone in his bedroom, pissed as fuck because his roommate terezi and dirk strider are on his couch, watching fucking my little pony. we follow john's thoughts and feels as dirk just just keeps popping up...
