day one of john's isolation:
[ectoBiologist started pestering tentacleTherapist]
EB: hello i am in my room.
TT: Oh? How long is that going to last?
EB: no clue.
EB: bring me chinese food. :p
and rose did. she obviously had a key to his place, so she left it outside his bedroom with a sticky note on it. it was written in neat, lesbian cursive. it read, "I didn't ask for you order because I already know it. You get the same thing every time. Please add some spice to your life, John. No one needs that much chicken and broccoli. I got you extra by the way. Remember to eat, let me know if you need anything. I can be over whenever. -Rose
EB: thank yoooooooou.
TT: You're very welcome, John.
[timaeusTestified started pestering ectoBiologist]
TT: Yo, what's up hamster king
TT: I found this weird little store the size of a bomb bunker FILLED with vinyl and vhs.
TT: Do you wanna hang out and go dig through bins of tapes with me?
EB: yes but not today. :B
TT: Aight.
TT: Are you looking for anything rn?
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day two of john's isolation:
[tentacleTherapist started pestering ectoBiologist]
TT: Hello, John. Status update? How're doing?
EB: tired. ate chinese.
EB: bring wendy.
EB: dying of STARVATION. the only thing that will satisfy this hunger is wendy chicken nuggets.
EB: and maybe fries.
EB: fries are good also.
EB: with ranch.
TT: I'm on it, captain. They'll be outside your door.
[timaeusTestified started pestering ectoBiologist]
TT: Hey, what's going on today? Is TZ there?
EB: i do not know.
EB: in my room.
EB: i have not exactly left to check. i think. maybe.
TT: Oh.
TT: Are you okay?
TT: Do you need anything? I can stop over. I'm just kinda aimlessly bouncing from place to place out of boredom. I've somehow become Rox's butler today so
EB: dont come please i will hate it thank you.
[timaeusTestified ceased pestering ectoBiologist]
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day three of john's isolation:
[tentacleTherapist started pestering ectoBiologist]
TT: Hello, John. Have you left your room yet.
EB: nope.
TT: May I ask where you are urinating?
EB: ew.
EB: i left for that.
TT: Progress!
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day four of john's isolation was rudely interrupted by dirk showing up at his house to hang out with tez. dirk opened john's door abruptly and welcoming himself in.
"yo, dickwad. what're you doing?" dirk shut his door behind him.
"dirk!" he made incoherent mouth noises. "i could have been jerking off. fuck off." he threw his blanket over his head and curled up. dirk peered over to john's small vhs viewing tv.
"... are you implying you jerk off to jurassic park 2?" dirk questioned. john laughed and launched a plushie pig at him.
"shut up!" he smiled at him. dirk smiled back.
"come on, shithead," he started, picking up old take-out boxes and cups from the offerings rose had left.
"i'm breaking you out. you've been fermenting long enough." dirk set down the stack of garbage he was holding and literally pulled john out of his bed.
"i thought i literally told you not to come," john said, fighting him.
"dude, that was two days ago. i've been here for like 4 hours already. i can only take so much ponies at once." he continued to pull on johns ankle, desperately trying to remove him. "plus, i brought you fries."
"fine, i'll get up." john stubbornly stood up with a stupid half smile. he stood there in his pajama pants and a big t-shirt with a beach name on it. he fixed his crooked glasses and followed dirk out of his room.
"fries always win."
"dude, what have you been doing all this time?" dirk asked, handing john his bag containing well deserved large mcdonald's fry.
john shrugged, shoving individual fries in his mouth. "pokemon." dirk nodded, grabbing four fries from john's container and shoved them all into his mouth. tz sat there, intensely playing crash n the boys on john's nes. he had to buy a special made case to attempt to slobber proof his second controller. it didn't work. so he just stopped caring. they learned over to take a sip of their drink. it was a cup of everything in the fridge mixed together but with a bendy straw. and when i say everything, i mean everything. there was every drink, every condiment, every oil, every dressing. it was disgusting and they loved it. nothing like some lemonade-coffee-mustard mashup.
they all joined in on the game, taking turns due to the fact john only had two controllers. terezi eventually grew bored and went to make another concoction but got distracted and ended up calling vris in their room. which left john and dirk sitting in the living room spread apart staring dead at the tv. john had himself propped up on his elbow, sitting very open with one leg bent up and the other hanging off the couch as he just mashed the two buttons in hope to do anything effective. dirk sat cross legged hunched over his controller, trying to memorize the patterns and button combos. dirk eventually gave up, pissed the fuck off that john always got a higher score even thought he wasn't FUCKING TRYING. it's like when you're a kid and you would make your parents play just dance with you and you'd be going absolutely insane on a level while your parents just moved the wii remote while they laid on the couch and then you'd yell at them because they'd win and they thought it was funny.
he tossed his controller to the ground from the 3 inches it was up and groaned.
"this sucks. don't you have a switch or something?" john pushed himself up into a normal sitting position. he cracked his neck and stretched his arms upward. dirk, now laying on the ground theatrically, was staring up at him.
"yeah, what'd u want to play?" he asked with a pleasant tone in his voice. although he wasn't smiling, he got up to switch the consoles happily. he got them each a respective joycon and went back to the couch, dirk following. john sat leaned back into the cushions, leafing though games as dirk watched attentively, cross-legged on the couch instead of the floor now.
An elongated um came from dirk as he stared at the tv, his eyes scanning through downloaded games. his face lit up."mario kart. i'm absolutely fucking boss at mario kart." poor dirk. so confident for a man who has no idea who he is playing against.
the boys engaged in playful, mocking of the average gamer trash talk as john started the game and they chose their characters. john was yoshi, he chose is kart carefully, pulling up the stats for what he wanted. dirk was rosalina on a motorcycle cause the princesses look banging in those little tight suits. they chose their cup and started playing.
john got first place. every. round. dirk was livid, in a joke but genuinely annoyed fashion. dirks final placing after all four was 3rd place, and it wasn't bad, but john had a perfect score and dirk had never wanted to fight someone over a video game. he pretended to melt across the couch.
dirk stared up at john, he was wearing another pair of jogger sweatpants with cargo pants pockets on it. he had a hoodie with a dog in sunglasses on it. it had a place written underneath, but dirk couldn't make it out. john's sock had rabbits and foxes on them. they were cute. john's socks were the most colorful part of his wardrobe. they always had some sort of design and they always matched. his top dresser drawer was filled with socks folded together in perfect pairs, unlike dirks which were tossed in a bin in his closet and never paired. his were plain- black or white from various popular sporting brands.
he had never realized how colorful john was- not in his fashion, but in his personality. john was just so lovely to be in the company of. he was a literal ray of sunshine. he was soft and warm, passionate yet not over-barring. john liked the same thing's as dirk. they could spend hours together just sitting, and they did before. dirk soon realized he had zoned out on john's face, but he couldn't pull his eyes away. he subconsciously reached a hand out to brush his palm against john's cheek as he stared at his face. john was entranced as he fidgeted with the game, watching highlights to make fun of the other boy in the room with him. john looked to dirk, snapping him out of the trance he was in. dirks arm just hung in the air like he was an elementary school child waiting to share some dumb detail from their afternoon with the poor middle-aged woman that had to deal with them all day. his eyes dashed to the tv as john started talking again. dirk pulled himself back up into a sitting position.
"you were surprisingly not completely awful at mario kart," john teased.
dirk rolled his eyes and leaned back into the couch. "i thought i was good. i finally beat roxy. i thought i was so great at the kart," he whined.
"she let you win, dude. she's beat me. it's all the lady does. animal crossing and absolutely rock at mario kart." this statement made dirk groan even more dramatically. he stood up and stretched.
"you suck so hard," dirk said as he walked out of the room and over to terezi's. he knocked and gave no time before walking in. john could hear small arguments and laugher as dirk yelled at vriska from terezi's phone. john got back on tiktok and started to zone out. he wan't going to rememeber a single one of these tiktoks. he didn't know how long dirk was out of the room but he came back smiling.
"hey, i gotta go, okay?" dirk leaned over the arm of the couch to john. john nodded.
"bye," he confirmed, still looking at his phone.
"sorry," dirk felt bad for having to leave. he could've sat there and played mario with john forever. this got john to look from his phone.
"dude, it's cool!" he gave him a thumbs up, dirk returned it.
"okay," he started, opening the door. "i'll text you later, promise." he shut the door.
john immediately walked to his room. he passed by terezi who had asked him to close their door and then also stopped at the bathroom to piss. those were the only stops though. he opened his door and threw himself on his bed. he laid on his stomach, opening his laptop to begin typing to rose.
[ectoBiologist started pestering tenticalTherapist]
EB: hello, i left my room against my will and dirk was here and he got me mc donalds fries.
EB: and also i want him to be my best friend and also hug him.
TT: John, I'm proud of you for becoming the pinnacle of homosexuality.
EB: oh.
EB: is that really?
EB: i feel like that is not gay.
TT: Having a good driven relationship where your second provides food or other items of importance is typical in the gay community. Which heavily implies you yourself are a homosexual.
TT: Also the hugging.
EB: but i am not gay.
TT: You think that you are not gay. No one automatically thinks they are gay because we live in a society, John.
EB: ...
EB: that makes no sense at all.
EB: am i gay or am i not gay rose??
TT: Are you gay, John?
EB: i mean
EB: i do not think i am gay.
EB: but i guess i technically could be gay.
EB: but i am not gay>:(
TT: Denial is the first stage of grief.
EB: my straight is not dead, rose.
TT: Considering you are gay, in the social structures we have in todays world, heavily implies you may be a homosexual- or at least have somewhat of an attraction to men.
TT: Dirk is a good choice. I've heard he's a cuddler.
EB: -_- ...
EB: i do not like this conversation very much, rose.
EB: first you went and implied my straight is dead.
EB: now you're calling me gay for my bro's bro who is now my bro.
TT: I can visibly see your internalized homophobia, John. You're allowed to feel more than friendship for the people, don't repress your emotions.
[ectobBiologist ceased pestering tenticalTherapist]
john stared at his ceiling. was he gay? no- he liked girls. he dated vriska and roxy. he didn't know if he actually loved- or even liked them romantically. he regretted his actions with them and cringed at the memory of his behavior. he was a stupid kid. he liked weezer. he sighed. he missed dirk.
YOU ARE READING
butt jokes - dirkjohn
Fanfictiona young man by the name of john egbert stands alone in his bedroom, pissed as fuck because his roommate terezi and dirk strider are on his couch, watching fucking my little pony. we follow john's thoughts and feels as dirk just just keeps popping up...
