john woke up late. he wandered to food room. he shoveled loose cheez-its into his hoodie pocket before walking back to his bedroom. he picked up his glasses and slid them on his face, picking up his phone as soon as he could see it. he ate some pocket cheese-its and scrolled through tiktok for twenty minutes before remember he wanted to check his texts. there was hundreds of messages from his groupchat with jade, rose, and dave, some from rose trying to make him not feel bad about the idea of liking the same sex, and something from dirk.
he checked dirk's first. It was from 4am... it was now noon.
[timaeusTestified begun pestering ectoBiologist]
TT: John, hey hello.
TT: Are you awake?
EB: i am now.
EB: why? what do you want me for in the middle of the night? that's suspicious. you're a suspicious man.
TT: I'm not suspicious, I just wanted to check on you.
TT: I grew up isolated in a dejected, peninsular, fucking dilapidated ass apartment building and me having the incline to message a bro to see if he's okay after having an episode is the most suspicious thing about me, I'm doing better than I thought.
EB: damn. i'm fine. just don't know why my friend is texting me in the dead of night when i won't even answer. :p
EB: wait. "a bro"? are we bros now?
EB: wow. this feels like an honor. i feel like i deserve a medal right now. the bro guy called me his bro.
EB: i'm kind of proud of myself.
TT: You act like a week of mad chilling and gaming doesn't constitute us being bros.
TT: You've always been my bro, bro.
TT: Don't act like this is some sublime feat or I'll write it off as a slip of tongue. Or I guess fingers.
EB: bros is a big thing!
EB: do you go around calling just anyone your bro??? it takes a big step to go from friends to bros. there's a difference. i thought you of all people would know that.
TT: I don't know.
TT: It's not like I have some PHD in bro-ology or something.
TT: You've always been pretty cool, so I guess calling you my bro wasn't some sort of shock. It's not like you got to first base.
EB: is that a requirement? if it is you're weird. you can't go and romance all your friends to become bros.
EB: are you a weirdo dirk???
TT: Why are you inquiring? Are you interested in being romanced by a bro? If so: in a homo or no-homo way?
TT: Chose your words wisely, Johnathan.
EB: i am not interested in that, thank you.
EB: that might just be the opposite of what i'm interested in!!!
TT: Understandable, honestly. I wouldn't want to make out with a man that can't even win a round of Mario Kart.
TT: I'm training to defeat you.
EB: that isn't a thing that can happen!!!
EB: my blood runs red with mario. and also green with luigi. and also pink with princess peach. EB: you get the idea.
TT: Okay, basement dweller.
TT: I have to go bug Dave. Contractional obligation, sorry.
TT: I'll talk to you later, 'K?
EB: i understand completely. it's in the bro code after all.
TT: He's biologically my bro, John. It's a blood bro-bond.
TT: Peace-out.
[timaeusTestified ceased pestering ectoBiologist]
john set down his phone, choosing to ignore the rest of his texts. he picked his ds off the floor from where it sat charging and opened it, booting up pokemon.
i'm not gay for my bro. him calling me his bro made me very happy and that was okay because it was a normal straight people thing.
he watched the loading screen.
i do not want to kiss his forehead and cuddle nap with him because that is not a straight platonic bro friends thing. maybe just a nap next to each other wouldn't hurt. not sure where that is on the homo-scale. hugging your bro should be a straight thing too.
he opened his game.
people are touch starved, you know. rose calling me gay means absolutely nothing because i am a straight man. i'm a hetero gamer. i play games like pokémon white even though it's the gayest generation in the series because i am so comfortable with my sexuality.
he opened his game, greeted by his pokemon named all with personalized names.
i thought i was gay once and i simply forgot about it and the issue resolved itself. if i don't address it then it doesn't exist. if i can't see you you can't see me. i can't see gay.
YOU ARE READING
butt jokes - dirkjohn
Fanfictiona young man by the name of john egbert stands alone in his bedroom, pissed as fuck because his roommate terezi and dirk strider are on his couch, watching fucking my little pony. we follow john's thoughts and feels as dirk just just keeps popping up...
