Zhan reached for the warmth on his side but panic came to him as the other side of the bed felt cold and empty. He felt so afraid and scared that he bolted right up from his slumber and roamed his eyes around the room until he had spotted what he was seeking.
Yibo was standing vertically erect like a soldier of war while his arms are resting on his back. It was the same way Wei Ying had found Lan Zhan patiently waiting for him over the bridge, eyes darted in the distance, deeply thinking, deciphering the unknowns. Even the dark night will feel abashed from Lan Zhan's unearthly presence and white robes.
'Ethereal.' Zhan thought. The brightest star can't even compete to Yibo's glow in his eyes.
Zhan respected the silence of the night, tiptoeing to the slot on Yibo's side.
"Can't sleep?" He started, eyes directed to the sleeping city of Beijing from below. Something inside him warns him to prepare his heart.
And his instinct was immediately proven right.
An audible deep breath left Yibo's lungs, and it was the reply that made Zhan clench his fist until his knuckles had turned white so he can deal with his feared unknowns.
"Do you regret it?" He courageously muttered, now staring at his pathetic reflection on the window glass.
Did he just pushed the man who doesn't love him to accept his feelings and kiss him like nothing else matters in this world? Did the intimacy they've shared a consequence of only Zhan's insistence?
"I don't!" Yibo replied. He was surprised by Zhan's deduction which isn't true. "I don't regret anything related to you." He said with conviction, cupping Zhan's face and following his gaze so he can look at him in the eye and see that he isn't lying. "Believe me, Zhan-ge." He implored, extending his other hand to caress Zhan's fist.
But none of his words reassured Zhan. He meet Yibo's gaze with sadness and doubt, failing to contain his feelings. "But why do I feel, I am losing you again?"
Yibo's guts constricted and clenched seeing the wreckage he had done to his beloved. The pain made him held his head low and slump his shoulder, losing his grip on Zhan's hand.
His actions was enough for Zhan to understand. "So, I am right." He impassively whispered. He wanted to cry and pour his heart out, but he had cried enough the previous days that Yibo might mistook it as being manipulative rather than taking it as his true feelings. Therefore, he fought hard to sniffle his tears away.
How can he say goodbye twice to the same man? He had let him go once, and it almost killed him in despair. A second time isn't even an option.
"Can't we just stay like this? Can I not just hold onto you?" Zhan's voice was hoarse, but the pleading tone was there for Yibo to recognize. Yet, Yibo did not say anything to console him. He has more in his mind to consider than to speak without thinking things thoroughly. Especially if his heart and mind are in opposition. One thing he wants to make sure...
that it would be less painful.
This goodbye.
His silence made Zhan unable to suppress his sobs anymore. "Just please let me be near you. Just let me love you. Just please don't go far away again. Please, Yibo." He broke down, finally letting his tears out, burying his face on his palms.
Yibo's heart refused to halt his surging emotions anymore. He pulled Zhan into his embrace, tightly hugging the older, molding their body into one. And in there, he found the warmth he would treasure for the rest of his life. He is melting, once again, and it was paining him to know that he had to soon let go of that warmth.
"The me right now isn't deserving of your love, Zhan-ge." He said, trying to mask his emotional distress behind his calm voice. "I am broken. I am empty. I am lost. I can offer you nothing except for an emotion which I don't even know how to handle, and you deserve much more than that. A wonderful person like you deserves much more than I can give." He honestly explained, hoping Zhan will understand where he is coming from. Hoping he'll let him go whilst also selfishly wishing that he wouldn't.
Zhan gripped Yibo's back and buried his face on his wide shoulders. It wasn't too long before that patch got soaked with his fat tears and yet, his tears continued to flow relentlessly. "You should've given me the decision whether you deserve me or not, Yibo. You shouldn't choose for me."
Zhan pulled himself and braved to express his true feelings. He might not be able to convice Yibo but he wouldn't stop trying until he reaches his heart.
He looked into his eyes and heartbrokenly declared his love. "I am willing to piece up your broken pieces and accept the damaged you. I can promise my life away and confidently say I swear to handle your heart with care and cherish you forever. And that I will move mountains just to fill up the emptiness in your heart, even if I have to give all I have to replace your missing pieces. And if you're lost, I will walk the Earth with you until you find your way back. I won't abandon you. Not again. So please...please don't leave again." Zhan tried to convince him with his sad smile and overflowing tears...but his battle remained futile.
Yibo wiped Zhan's tears away, pulling him close again to fill that gap for the last time. "That's why I don't want to tell you the truth. You're too kind and selfless, Zhan-ge."
Zhan's jaw trembled. He had said everything he can to convince him. 'I will lose him again.' He muffled the cries in his throat, imbedding Yibo's image, warmth and voice in his soul.
It might be the last time he'll be with him, he thought.
Yibo lifted his chin up reaching Zhan's forehead, leaving a featherly kiss...slowly moving his lips to peck the tip of Zhan's nose...lightly brushing Zhan's beautiful mole at the corner of his lips, before he gave him a final squeeze in his arms.
"You will see me again. I promise." Yibo breathed, his lips lifting up slightly with the hope that he'll surely make that promise come true.
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A/N:
Spoiler: This is the last goodbye, but not the last heartache 😘
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20-July-2020
YOU ARE READING
Fated Encounter (BJYX Fanfic) - Completed
Fanfiction"I've waited for fate to rewrite our story. And now you're here, in flesh and in reality, my Yibo." Zhan's heart swell with the sight of the man he was desperate to meet again. Yet, did time warp and bring him back to the past, when love was at its...
