Skinny Love | l.h.

16

I thought last night would've been a happy ending for Luke and but unfortunately it was the opposite. The better thing to do would be to admit how I felt to Luke just as he did, maybe in a messy way, but he still got it out there. But of course I still didn't seem to have the guts to say it out loud. I wanted to so badly, I wanted nothing more than to do so, but I just couldn't. I had no idea what was holding me back, whether it was the fact that I had Ashton, who still was fully aware we were still dating, or that I was just afraid but whatever it was kept me from making the right choice.

I've barely slept in the two weeks that have passed and all I can think about are those last moments with Luke. It's obvious I've taken more than enough time to think about things and I'm surprised Luke hasn't bothered to contact me. That has me wondering if he has given up on me. Just thinking about that sends a shiver down my spine.

A snoring Abby snaps me out of my thoughts. This snoring is also another reason I can't seem to sleep. I can usually handle it since we've spent the night together countless times but at this point it's only making the thought of sleeping almost impossible.

Obviously I had to explain everything that has happened throughout the summer to her because there was no way of hiding it from her. If I even tried to she'd see through me and I'd end up explaining everything to her anyway. Explaining everything was a lot more helpful to me. Knowing she probably would, she's rooting for Luke and I more than anything and even within words she can see the connection we have. I just hope I didn't just flush everything Luke and I had going for us down the toilet with my choices.

As I sit in the darkness of my bedroom, my ears still being filled with the sound of Abby's snoring, I replay what happened on my grandma's porch over and over in my mind. This only causes my guilt to feel severely stronger in the process.

(a/n: the writing here is in italics only because it's a memory from the day before so yeah.)

"So...? What happens next?" Luke says cautiously, all of his anger having vanished in the minutes that have passed.

"I think we should both just go home." My voice is barely above a whisper, again, probably from fear of what's to come next. I know what I'm doing probably isn't best, but I'm just so confused and I all I really want right now is some space.

"You can't be serious. Are you fucking shitting me?" Luke stands from his spot beside me, towering over me even more since I'm sitting down, it's almost scary, but I feel anything but scared right now.

"Luke-"

"I just confessed everything to you, Bree. That took a lot. I never thought I would feel this way about someone ever again and you're just going to push me away?" He seethes.

"I-"

"You can't still be convinced that Ashton is the one you're falling for." His stare is disapproving as he paces back and forth in front of me.

"Can you let me finish my sentence?!" I yell, stand up from the concrete. So much for thinking this horrible fight of ours was over.

Luke doesn't say anything, he only looks at me, waiting for me to continue. The cold stare he's giving me still present.

"I just need time to think." I put my hands on Luke's arms, looking him straight in the eye. His jaw is still clenched in anger, but I observe as he relaxes it after a few moments.

"You know, I still don't even know how you feel." He seems to ignore my request, but instead of yelling at me, nervousness is thick in his voice. "What if I let you do this thinking and I end up getting hurt in the end anyway?"