Fate [a Harry Styles fanfic]

Chapter 4

"I'm so proud of you Melissa... so proud." My mother is crying and has her makeup smudged all over her face.

"Thank you mom. I love you." I hugged her and she whispered something in my ear "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

"You didn't meant what mom?" I don't know what she's talking about.

"Melissa I think we have to talk, don't you think?" Sean approaches us and looks totally pissed. Okay mom, thanks a lot for telling him.

"Yeah su... sure we do" God he looks so mad at me I'm even getting scared. "Mom, I'll see you later... Wish me luck" I whispered in her ear as I kissed her goodbye.

"Okay but don't stay out to late we have a lot to prepare." She looks at Sean and realizes she shouldn't have said that and quickly turns on her heels.

"Let's take a ride. I think we both need to clear our minds. Besides, you need to start preparing your things and bags don't ya?" He's using irony.

"Sean, let me explain..."

"Shut up and get in the car." Jesus, I don't know if I'll make it out alive right now.

Sean has been driving for about an hour and neither of us have spoken a single word. I'm so scared. I mean, I don't think he would ever hurt me physically but I also never had seen him like this. But I know this is a very fucked up situation, because I should have told him about New York way back. Instead I was hanging around pretending like never of this was happening. The only reason I've been hiding this from him is because I think I'm terrified of the end. But mostly... I'm terrified of being alone. He has been my boyfriend for so long that I don't know how it feels to be alone. And I'm scared. He was a huge part of my life. Was... I'm already talking in the past. Maybe I should get use to it.

Finally we pull over near the field where he usually has practice. He stepped out of the car and I knew that I needed to follow him. We walk a little, still not talking and finally he stoped. I stood behind him.

"Sean just listen..."

"When Mia? When were you planning on telling me?" he finally turns around and eyes me.

Here it goes.

"Probably just on the day you would get that damn flight." He answers for me.

I feel so stupid right now. And this is all my fault. All my fault.

"Sean I'm so sorry. I just... I just didn't had the courage."

"But you had the courage to take such an important decision... to be moving to fucking New York..." he's pacing back and forth making me nervous.

"Sean I need to take this opportunity. I'll never get out of here if I don't take it."

"Whoa... so I was never a part of your future? That's good to know..."

Jesus I really don't know what to say to him. I never thought about any of this until Sophia came up with the idea. I know it's a really good opportunity that's why I said yes in the first place. But I knew he would never left with me.

"Just listen. I didn't tell you before because I love you and I didn't want to hurt you. I know , I know... it was even worst but I just couldn't find way to tell. I knew from the beggining that you would never come with me. I guess I was just... I was just a coward." I'm so stupid.

"You love me?" He's in front of me now, his grey eyes darkening. "I don't think so..." A little smirk traces his face "You never loved me. You know why? Because when you love someone, even if there's millions of reasons to leave, you always find one to stay."

He's right. Do I love him? I thought I did... I think I do. I'm so confused.

"We spent so many years together... I thought I was part of your life... But I guess I was wrong..." Tears roll down my face without I even notice.

"Mia I love you so much. So much. You're everything I always needed and everything I will always need. I thought we would be forever. I mean I know we are pretty young but I will never picture my life with somebody else... It's just you. You." Oh my god, he's going to cry.

I feel terrible. I was so scared about this and I had reasons for that. He loves me. Deeply. But right now I just don't know if I feel the same. Because I need this change, I need this change in my life... I just didn't want him to get hurt.

"Mia, stay. Please stay with me." He's on his knees right now. It's so hard to see this ... and this is all my fault.

"Sean, I'm so sorry". That's all I can say.

"Stay." He's beging, still kneeling.

When I notice, I'm also kneeling on the floor, with his hands on mine.

"Sean, listen. I need this. I need to leave. I don't want to be stuck in here all my life. And I'm sorry about it. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you, I'm sorry that I'm so selfish and, I'm sorry that you love me. Cuz you deserve so much better... And I know that one day, you'll find that better... One day, you'll be someone's everything, as I was for you."

We are both crying. Both kneeling on this green field. The air is cooling and getting dark. I need to go.

As I start to stand up he says "I broke my rules for you. I gave myself to you. You know how broken I was when we met. And you were my light. You made me happy in a way no one else could. But I'm not perfect. And I know you want someone perfect. But what feels to me is that I could be perfect and it still wouldn't be good enough..." he stands up, turns to the car and adds: "Thanks for nothing. Cuz we were nothing." He says while opening the door.

"You know what? If you think we were nothing then you're not so in love with me like you say. Cuz I loved you. I loved you and also gave myself to you. That's loving. Being able to give yourself to another. And if that was nothing to you, then I'm glad we're done."

He looks at me and starts to come in my direction. When I notice he's kissing me. Unable to contain a all new set of tears I pushed him away and turned on my heels.

"I hope you'll be very happy in New York. Maybe one day we'll see each other again." I continued to walk and he got in the car and left.

I'm shaking. It's blowing a cool air and I'm still in my graduation dress and shoes.

I need to call Sophia to pick me up.

This was definitely one of the hardest things I did in my life. But it's done.

Now, New York.

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Hi guys!

First I want to apologize that I haven't updated the story earlier. I have been organizing ideas to string the story together, so sorry guys.

I know I'm very inexperienced, but this is my first story and you all started somewhere, right?

And also would like to see some feedback. I know that the number of views is still low, but I'd love if you comment. Just for me to know what you think or just to give me a hello haha. And please vote. By voting you guys give me an idea of whether you want me to continue the story and if you want to know more about it.

Happy 2015! I hope you'll have an amazing year.

Thanks for readind!

xo

L