The Not-So-Secret Lovers Of Chicago

5) The Truth

TRIGGER WARNING. For suicide, cutting, drugs, alcohol, child abuse, smoking and mental illness. Feel free to skip this chapter and I'll see you later in the next chapter.

Sarah Reese POV

It all caved. The moment he spoke those words everything that I had been hiding and keeping inside just flooded out. I couldn't take it anymore I needed to tell him, I needed help! But i was so angry at him. He forced me into a position that he knew would upset me and made me talk about what had happened. I stood up and yelled

"Well what do you want to know? Now that you've forced me into a corner against my will. What do you want to know?!"

I was so angry but my grief overpowered that as I sank back down onto the sofa and bowed my head as tears leaked from my eyes.

"Everything," Voight said in a much softer voice, " Everything since all the nasty stuff started happening. All of it"
_________________________________________
Flashback
Present time
Flashback within a flashback

It was such a long time ago now. I mean I always grew up around smoking and alcohol and the occasional drug. I didn't know that I was being used as a drug runner, because well who is going to search a 6 year old? By the time I knew what I was doing I couldn't do anything about it, my parents were very careful to make sure that I never got ahold of anything that could be used as evidence. I was enrolled in school a year late.  That's when mum first started hitting me. Don't get me wrong I was well aware that both hated me, It wasn't regular nor was it often. Whenever her "business" hit a snag or Dad had done something wrong or whenever she felt like it. By that time my little brother Samuel had been born but that was the tipping point for their marriage.

I'M F%&€#NG DONE WITH THIS! I didn't want another problem you W$%re! I bet he isn't even mine!

Of course he is yours!

Oh really? Or is he that guy from the shipyards'? I'm done with your shit!

I didn't just lose my father that day, I lost my brother too.

Daddy don't weave pwease.
Stay out of my way pest!(kicks down the stairs)

Mum gave birth at home while she was high so I cut the cord and cleaned up my brother. I even named him. Mum shoved him out and the rest was up too me. Since he was never registered as a person- no birth certificate- nobody became suspect to his "disappearance". He was two. We- I buried him in the forest. I was 9. A 9 year old shouldn't have to do that. That's when things really kicked off. The depression, paranoia, anxiety, the cutting and the suicidal thoughts. By the time I was 16 I had called a suicide helpline 3 times. Mum stopped getting involved in business about 2 years after my brother died but since the day he died she never dared to lay a finger on me. We moved under a bridge and my best friends were rats. Eventually she used enough favours to make sure that she passed the background check for claiming child support and unemployment compensation. At least I had a roof over my head. I still slept with the rats though. I managed to stay out of trouble for the most part until my 18th birthday. I planned on immediately running off to medical school but then mum got cancer and she needed to have someone home to help. I don't know if it was Stockholm syndrome or if I felt obligated to stay but I did. That's why I was a little older than some of my peers in med school. Mum laughed when I said that I wanted to become a doctor. Despite my help she still died. That's when I moved across the country to attend med school.

A one wat ticket to Chicago please.
And what is the purpose of this visit?
I'm moving there to go to medical school

But somehow things got better and worse at the same time. I gained a bed and food and a shower. But my mental health continued to deteriorate. I was so lonely and my demons continued to haught me. My peers didn't like me, they said I tried to hard. If I didn't try I never would've survived. So I was constantly ridiculed. Then I ended up at Gaffney medical centre. I finally took control of my life. I got on 2 diffrent types of anti depressants, an anxiety pill and an iron tablet for my anemia. The other doctors have this nasty habit of pitting me down whenever I do anything. Ethan and Maggie often speak of the ED family, but I'm not apart of that. But it's neither open nor obvious so if I were brave enough to report it I would have nothing to report. And with my demons I truly believe that everything that has happened to me is my fault and I deserve it. Then I met Joey. He was my first human friend, so when he asked me out I was over joyed. I thought that someone cared about me. But them the bastard he- he decided to, well. Rape me.  There was nothing I could do. I can barely lift a gallon of milk let alone shove another person off of me. Then I made another friend a year later. Noah, April's brother. But he graduated early and left to be a doctor. Didn't bother to say goodbye.

Hey April, have you seen Noah?
He left for Seattle yesterday.
He's gone?

I couldn't believe it. That's when I was reminded of a lesson my mother beat into me when I was 8. Nobody cares, nor will they ever. Then I got my psychiatry residency with doctor Charles. I didn't get the help I needed so I would give it to other people. I don't know why I didn't consider psychiatry sooner. I was astounded about the amout of care he showed to every person weather they were a patient or not, everyone including me. I was cared about even if only a little. Then after he was attacked he changed. He stopped caring, I was yelled at for absolutely everything. I can't tell you how many flashbacks he gave me.

Stay out of the way doctor Reese!
Stay out of the way pest!

It only got worse from there. Doctors getting attacked was getting more frequent. I wanted to purchase a gun. When I went to go get started on that paperwork I purchased a can of pepper spray.
And when a patient who was faking it for drugs backed me into a corner, I used it. I got suspended. And nobody would listen to my side of the story. Noah flew out from Seattle to take care of me that week. He doesn't know about any of this. He knows that something happened but he knows not to press. I still can't believe that he flew out for me. He is my first, best and only friend. After I came back Dr Charles only got worse. Nothing I ever did was good enough and I was whispered about and ridiculed even moreso than before. I ended up on top of Chicago bridge that night. I was so close and it was so scary. So I've sort of ended up at a stalemate right now. Nothing is happening and I just continue my habits. Danny changed that. I know that I would have given anything to be saved, so I had to save him. But when I couldn't it fell apart again.
I'm thinking about moving states again get a fresh start. But at this point I don't even know if I can be loved. I just can't do it anymore Hank. I held on so long and fought so hard for what? I'm just done.

3rd POV

Poor Sarah Reese forgot that she had been pulled into Hank's side and her head was resting on his chest whilst she cried out her pain. When Sarah was done Hank told her to sleep whilst whispering sweet nothings into her ear. Sarah did eventually cry herself to sleep whilst clinging to Hank. Who himself was shocked and had a few tears falling himself. This poor woman went through do much. And he would be damned if he let this continue. That he swore to himself as he laid back on the sofa with Sarah still pressed against him. He turned to the side to that Reese was cocooned inbetween him, the blanket off the back of the sofa and the back of the sofa itself. We wrapped his arms around Sarah and let himself sleep.

So. Sorry about that downer. But it does really kick start the actual plot! So don't forget to vote if you liked it and leave constructive criticism in the comments.
See you later, love Lizzi