25 | ruin me

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I longed to scream, to pour out the words, to explain everything to him, but my mouth refused to cooperate

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I longed to scream, to pour out the words, to explain everything to him, but my mouth refused to cooperate. There was no life left in my eyes, no tears left to shed.

I yearned to speak, to have him unravel the mysteries, but my mouth remained stubbornly silent.

You truly know the depths of endless pain when you awaken one morning, feeling like you're already dead, buried, and forgotten by those close to your heart, while strangers see you as fully alive, a person they couldn't care less about.

You understand the true meaning of eternal suffering when you start each morning with a jolt, confronted by your own emotionless reflection, urging you to go out and destroy, to take another human life, or face agonizing consequences unimaginable in their brutality.

You comprehend pain when you go to bed with it every night, watching yourself being lowered into your own grave, yet when you scream to those who mourn and bury you, your cries are mere whispers that no one hears.

It's peculiar.

How empty I feel...

Like those chocolate bunnies people used to buy around Easter—a sweet shell concealing a world of nothingness.

I'm like that.

I encase a world of nothing.

"Please, Charlotte, tell me. I'm begging you," he pleaded, his voice laden with worry.

His words shattered my heart, and the walls I had built crumbled. His intense gaze bore into me, waiting for me to open my mouth and speak, to share my feelings.

This time, I knew I couldn't hold back any longer.

This time, I knew I couldn't hold back any longer

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"I feel suffocated, Leon. I can't breathe," she said, her voice trembling.

"I'm just a burden, Leon. A burden, that's all I am. I'll ruin you," she confessed.

Her dark blue eyes resembled an ocean trapped within small glass marbles, and those smooth spheres seemed to crack. The ocean began to leak, and tiny water droplets streamed down Charlotte's rosy cheeks.

"Reject me, forget about me, Leon," she screamed.

"Then let me be ruined! I don't care. I don't care if I'm not the alpha anymore; I will never reject you. You're mine, and I need you," I shouted back.

She continued to stare at her tiny hands, never meeting my gaze.

"I see you. I do. I see pain in those eyes, pain that has been there for your entire life, trapped in the confusion we all carry. I also see love, the love you would have given if not for the scars. It's still there, baby, and one day I will set you free," I reassured her.

"I'm not perfect, but I love you, and I know what love means. Give me a chance to find my footing, to stop my own head from spinning, and I'll prove it. So much of your life is a hell for your soul, and you stay there from strength rather than weakness, I know," I continued.

"Let me share in that pain, walk with you, and endure the same torment you bear. And one day, I'll find just the right way to bring you home, my love," I concluded, gently lifting her chin to make her look at me.

For the first time since we met, her clear brown eyes met mine, and we sat in silence.

Breaking the quiet, she whispered, "Thank you."

Two words that filled my heart with joy, knowing that she might finally accept and love herself as she deserved. She was beautiful and innocent, inside and out, and nothing could change the way I felt about her.

"Could you please consider going to therapy, for me? I know it might not be what you want, but it would make me so happy," I requested.

She nodded slightly, and I carried her to the bed, watching her eyelids flutter closed.

"John, help me find the best therapy place for Charlotte," I spoke into the phone, determined to support her on her journey to healing.

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rose,
xoxo

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