AS YOU HELD ONTO ME / hs

Ten

- Monday, September 9, 2019 -

A soft brush of her hair stirred Ava from sleep. The room was pitch black aside from the hallway light that shone through the open bedroom door. She blinked as Harry came into focus, perched on the edge of your bed as he pet her hair.

"I have some soup for you," he whispered.

She buried her face into the pillow in response. It was late, she could tell by the silence outside. She slept on and off all day, for three days straight. When she was awake, she cried. She cried until she couldn't breathe and then forced herself back to sleep.

"Come on, love. It's almost 11... can't eat anything after this."

Ava didn't move. She barely ate anything the last few days, a few bites of whatever food Harry would bring and plead with her to eat. Hunger was the last thing she felt.

As if she could possibly feel anything apart from gut wrenching pain.

The D&C was the following morning. A surgery in which her doctor would scrape her uterus clear and would most likely feel like a continuous scrape to her heart.

"A couple bites for me, love. Please."

His voice was sad, his tone a quiet beg. Ava brushed her nose across her pillow as tears burned her closed eyes. She sat up slowly, scooting back to lean against the headboard.

Harry lifted the bowl from the nightstand to carefully hand it to her. He watched her balance it on her knee as she took her first bite, a tear silently rolling down her cheek. He brushed it away with the pad of his thumb, his eyes steady on her with the ever present crease between his brows.

Six spoonfuls and she was turning to put the half empty bowl back on the nightstand. She slouched down into bed, pulling the comforter up over her shoulder.

Harry was quiet as he watched, his hands clasped together in his lap.

"Can I join you?" He asked softly after a beat.

Ava wordlessly slid over towards the center of the bed, pulling the comforter down to open a spot for him. He slid under the covers, the warmth she already created encasing him as he rested his head on the edge of his pillow. Ava watched him through watery eyes as he solemnly gazed back at her.

The silence was deafening and yet she couldn't even bring herself to say anything.

He looked so defeated. That was the first time she really looked at her husband's tired eyes since the ultrasound. His heartbreak was written all over his face.

His hand was tentative when he reached for her, slowly sliding over her waist as he moved closer until he could rest his forehead against hers. The soft cotton of his pants brushed her bare legs as he tangled their heavy limbs together. His fingers circled against her lower back while her hands rested against his chest in a ball.

"I hate seeing you like this," he choked quietly.

Ava knew Harry was trying to keep it together for her, but his emotions were laced through every word he spoke.

He was hurting too.

She wrapped her arms under his biceps, pressing herself fully against his chest. The contact had him choking down a cry immediately and pressing his face into her neck as he held her tighter.

"I'm sorry," Ava cried.

Harry pulled his head from her neck quickly to look at her with wet cheeks. His palms firmly clasped on either side of her face. "Stop. Please, don't."

They cried together, holding each other well into the night until they both passed out from exhaustion.

***