Metanoia | Chris Evans

6.2

Hey Chris,

Before I left, you asked me to write you a letter at least once a month, to check in, so here goes...

(You know I've never been good at this sort of thing so I guess you're going to have to deal with whatever it turns out like :P)

I can't believe it's been a month already. Everything here has just been so hectic and nonstop that the days have just all seemed to roll into one. Although, I have no doubt that you'd say it's felt like forever. It's probably selfish to be glad that the days aren't dragging by for me, but I am - so thankful. If I was aware of every minute passing, it'd make this whole "being away from home" thing a whole lot harder to bear. :P

I miss you.
So much.

You'd think after two tours over here, I'd have figured out how to not let it get to me, that it wouldn't feel so prominent anymore. But, it doesn't get any easier. Nothing over here gets any easier, if I'm being honest.

I wish I could tell you all the things I've been doing over here just so you'd stop worrying so much, but I know what would happen if I did. If we get too close to saying too much, they block parts out with big black markers/blocks, and I really want you to be able to read this without having to wonder what I might have said underneath the blocks.

I'm okay. My team and I, we're all present and accounted for even if our minds are a little absent from present circumstances during the little downtime we have. But, other than the usual bumps, bruises, scrapes, aches and pains, we're all doing pretty good.

That's probably something I should have started with, so you didn't have to read this far down to find that out, but my head's honestly all over the place; trying to write the answers to the questions I'm imagining you bombarding me with without writing anything that would end up being blocked out. Well, that and my upcoming mission.

We leave base tomorrow for another mission so I'm trying to write, finish and get this ready for posting in time for it to be sent ASAP. It's probably flying across the world while we're leaving - or probably already left by time this reaches you... oops :)

Did I ever tell you about my team? They're a good group - I definitely trust them with my life, and seriously hope they return that sentiment. Two of them, Diaz and Buckley, are actually a couple. They were given permission to stay in the same team since they've never let their relationship affect their ability to do their job. They're pretty inspirational - maintaining a relationship whilst knowing the risks this job holds, the potential of one of them not making it home or having to leave the other behind if something goes wrong. I don't know if I'd be able to do it if you were over here with me. Anyway. The point - they were planning their wedding when we got called up again.
They had to postpone it, pack up, leave their kid behind and deploy. That seriously sucks.
To leave your kid and not even be able to guarantee both, or even one, of you will come back.

Reyes, another one of the team, left his fiance behind too. Apparently his other half is a firefighter back in Texas, so neither of them are in the safest careers. Reyes is also a police officer when he's off duty from playing soldiers with us. They seem like they're a couple of adrenaline junkies, picking the careers they have, but they sound like they suit each other really well.

Do you think people say that about us?
I know they all expected us to happen, but do you think they'd say we suit each other? I've always wondered exactly what people thought of us :P

As for the rest of the team - most of them have got families now, not all of them with kids but that's where plans were going before all of this happened. I so badly want to tell them that they ARE going to make it back to their families - alive - but I can't. Hell, I can't even guarantee that I will make it back, never mind that all of us will.
It's not going to stop me from trying to bring them all back, but I know that I can't make promises like that. I shouldn't even make those kinds of promises to myself, but I can't help it.

Okay, enough depressing thoughts.

(Told you I wasn't very good at this!)

This is going to sound so stupid or cheesy, but I miss seeing your face.
That cheeky smirk you get on your face when you get your own way - yeah, I miss that.
I even miss the terrible snoring you do when you're completely exhausted. I can't believe that that is something I actually actively MISS hearing, even though it drives me nuts when you're actually doing it in my ear while I'm trying to sleep.

How's Aslan?? I hope he's doing okay. I know you're probably spoiling him to make up for me not being there, buying treats and toys and whatever else you think he needs. I've got to say, the mental image of me having to roll my dog out of your house because you've fed him so much during my absence is pretty amusing - and definitely going to spring up again at an inappropriate moment, I just know it will.
What about Dodger? Is he still having issues with that hip? I hope it's better. If not, I hope he's not in too much pain because I know how much you hate seeing him hurting in any way.

Okay, this letter is getting pretty long now so I should probably wrap it up.
You're probably wanting me to keep going on but I don't think our mailing department would appreciate it (since they get to read over this for safety reasons).

I hope you're doing okay, and that this letter helps you worry a little less now that you know I'm okay, and I really look forward to maybe getting a reply, sitting here waiting for me when I get back from tomorrow's mission?
You don't have to if it's too much, just thought it might give you something to do other than worry :)

I miss you a whole lot, sunshine, and I'll (hopefully) see you in person again soon!
That's the plan anyway :P

See you on paper next month for my next check in.

Love,

          Charlie Xxx