Metanoia | Chris Evans

4.1

Hello?

Where you ever going to tell me?

Chris?

Obviously. Now, answer the question.

Tell you what?

That you're going back overseas.

How do you-

It doesn't matter how I know, or how I found out. I want to know if you were even going to tell me.

Chris, of course, I was going to tell you-

When? The night before you leave so I couldn't stop you?

What do you want me to say? I knew you wouldn't be happy with this whole thing so, yeah, maybe I was putting it off until the last minute because I knew exactly how you'd react.

How I'd react? I think I'm reacting proportionately considering the circumstances. Just when we're in a good place again, this gets sprung on me too.

I'm sorry that I didn't want to deal with you having a hissy fit on top of the knowledge that I'm going back overseas to get shot at. Again.

Charlie-

No, it's your turn to listen.

...

I don't want to go back, but I need to. Our team is good, our record is amazing considering what we've been through together, and that gave us a good reputation amongst the higher-ups. They decided to send us back for a currently undecided amount of time, to perform peace work, and cleanup work from past operations in the area. If any of us had the option to say no, you have to know that we would. But neither would I let my team go without me, not when they have so much to live for, to come home to. They have families, people who need them to come home, and the guilt would tear me apart if I wasn't there to at least try and help them get home in one piece. I couldn't live with myself if one of those guys died out there and I wasn't there, beside them doing my duty, where I should have been.

So, you can make all these promises about them coming home in one piece, but what about you? Huh? Can you make that same promise about yourself too, or am I just meant to wait around to see if I get one of those fancy visits from the guys in uniform?

I'm not making promises - for the guys, or for me. You know as well as I do that we cannot promise anything. We can fight like hell, and we can pray just as much, but we can't promise anyone anything.

I can't lose you, Charlie.

And I don't want you to, but I can't guarantee that that won't happen either.

...

Chris?

...

Please don't cry - you're going to make me cry too, and that's not a pretty sight for anyone to see. Do you really want to subject Aslan to that sight?

That's not true.

Whatever. It made you laugh though.

...

Are we good now?

I don't want you to go, but I can't stop you either. But, can you do something for me?

I might end up regretting this but - yeah. What is it?

Come home to me.

I'll do whatever it takes to come home, just like before.

And, Charlie?

Yeah?

You have something to live for too, people relying on you to make it home alive. I'm always here; waiting for you to come back to me, waiting to know if you're okay.

I know - and I'm going to come home, whatever it takes, whatever the price. We always come back to each other in the end.