𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐒

12; 𝙨𝙪𝙗𝙟𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣

TW: suicide

"what route does he take to go to work?" jihoon asked, agitated and upset. "the train?"

"yes, he had just left 5 minutes ago before you arrived. if i'm not mistaken, he's going to be there shortly. the walk from here to the train station is 10 minutes long." kotarou informs. jihoon nods and turns for take off—but kotarou grabs his wrist. jihoon turned his head and raised an eyebrow. "please stop him."

"will do." jihoon noods, before using his incredible speed to get to the train station before it's too late. jihoon can't afford to be late.

"wait, what? what's wrong? what's with the note, i haven't read it!" junhui exclaimed, looking at everyone's hands to see who had the note that soonyoung left. seungcheol hands his phone to junhui. "it's written in japanese, here's the translated version."

"thanks." junhui tapped on seungcheol's phone screen to prevent it from sleeping.

kotarou,

i left my phone here, my bank account details are in it. tell grandma i'm sorry, and i'm sorry to you too. if you're wondering where i'm going, i'm off to go to work. but i will never reach the office.

i will join my mother up there before i could go to the office. i just can't take this anymore.

goodbye, love you.

hoshino

"come on, soonyoung. why are you such a pussy? just do it." soonyoung tells himself, standing before the ledge. the train arrives in a minute, and he still couldn't bring himself to jump on the railroad. it was just one step away, one step away to freedom. "please, do this for yourself."

doing it for yourself? selfish. but what's new? soonyoung had always been selfish, focusing only on himself,  keeping himself healthy and happy. doing things for others, pressurised, on a daily basis is a new thing to him. and what? he's giving up? this early?! what a pathetic thing.

one minute, the train arrives in one minute, last chance to back out. no, soonyoung is not backing out. if you're not, then jump on the railroad and die.

soonyoung closes his eyes, hearing the noise of the train sounding closer every passing second. he just hopes that kotarou can live by on his own, and play volleyball, and visit grandma everyday, make money and pay the debt so he doesn't get sent to jail, and be happy. because, soonyoung is jumping now.

soonyoung had tears on his eyes. he was so ready to die—but he didn't jump on the rails. something was holding him back. it was almost unfamiliar for soonyoung hadn't felt this strong force for a long time, but he recognized it a little later. it was not any sort of feeling washing over him or something stuck somewhere; it was the ability of a certain someone. soonyoung muttered under his breath, "when did you come here?"

"hoshino-san?" jihoon calls, making soonyoung turn around to face him. the taller man doesn't know why he's not using his ability on jihoon right this very moment. "a good name. you never told me you were japanese."

"now you know. just let me go, please? we're over. a year ago." soonyoung's big, fat tears roll down on his cheeks, falling down on the floor with a plop. "jihoon, let me go."

"why, so you can kill yourself?" jihoon asks. "do you know how much people need you? kotarou, your grandma, minseok, plus thirteen other guys? soonyoung, you can't do this. you're being greedy, selfish, unruly. stop it. i don't like what you're doing."

soonyoung is still unable to move from his spot. his hair wooshes as the train zoomed past behind him. "i don't care if you don't like it. it's the only way to end my misery, and—"

"soonyoung! are you stupid or are you stupid? 'you don't care'?! if you don't care, you wouldn't have left a note in your room, and entrusted your bank account to kotarou!" jihoon growled, disabling his ability on soonyoung. "there. i let go. make a choice for yourself. jump on the rails, or stay alive." jihoon held out his hand, for when soonyoung is ready to take it.

"you're free to do whatever you want. i'll forgive you if you jump on the railroad." jihoon added.

"don't think for a fucking second that i'll forgive you if you control me, bastard!"

no, no. soonyoung is supposed to die today. no delays, no distractions. jihoon even said that he will forgive soonyoung even if he kills himself, right?! anyway, soonyoung doesn't need to know if what he's going to do is okay with jihoon or not!

"is it okay, jihoon?"

"to kiss me?"

stop. stop thinking about jihoon, just get the deed done. just kill yourself, why do you have to think about jihoon? he is clearly wrong! jihoon is wrong! even in their last argument! even his sudden appearance is wrong! even calling him 'jihoon' is wrong!

"keep on calling me shrimpy. i like it."

before soonyoung knew it, his feet were moving towards the smaller male, eyes set on his small and warm hand. he never thought that jihoon would be this open and inviting himself. but why? why is he doing this all for soonyoung? why now, of all times? why not when they were still together and arguing about huge issues? if he had been open and inviting before, they wouldn't have broken up. why?

(maybe because jihoon still loves soonyoung, but soonyoung had crossed that out from the list of possibilities.)

"oh my fucking god," jihoon sighs in relief, after soonyoung took the smaller's hand. jihoon lets go and engulfs soonyoung in a tight hug, close to tears. "i thought you were going to turn away from me."

this is news worth sharing. jihoon, initiating a hug, almost crying, worried to death for his past lover? seems like a normal thing to other people, but to the people who knows jihoon well, it's not. it can actually be mistaken as a prank for how ridiculous that is, even by just imagining him doing it.

"jihoon. please." soonyoung says, faking a voice of discomfort. jihoon lets go, surprising soonyoung with his glistening eyes. "why are you crying?"

"because i don't want to lose you."

"you had already lost me."  soonyoung's words sent daggers to pierce jihoon's heart.

"i've got you now, don't i?" jihoon asks the taller, letting his tears fall, finally. "i can't lose you again. like that."

"can you just— i did what you wanted me to do, now what?! i'm wasting even more seconds when i should be dead by now! jihoon, we're done, didn't i tell you that?! can you please just stop prying into my life because you're nothing to me now! i don't love you anymore, and you shouldn't love me anymore as well!"

jihoon smiled sadly. "i'm sad that i don't have your ability." jihoon chuckled humourlessly. "i won't know if what you're saying is true."