And His Name was Virgil - Sanders Sides

Insecurities

A/N: The photo is a Virgil doodle I drew to help me get inspired to write this chapter. Writer's block is a meanie, did you know that?

/TW: anxiety\

Virgil

I'm too anxious to sleep.

I've tried to fall asleep, but none of my usual methods are working.

I'm sitting in bed, letting lightning flow freely in between my fingers. I watch as the sparks light up my cell, flashing and illuminating the small space.

I don't know what time it is. There aren't any clocks here.

I'm terrified that our whole escape rides on me. Those security codes are the single most important thing for getting out of here, and all I can think about is what could go wrong.

I really don't want to hurt anyone. It's hard for me to say out loud, but I really do care about these people. I've gotten attached, and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for getting attached so quickly, normally that doesn't happen. It normally takes a long time for people to gain my trust.

I guess the fact that they're in the same boat as me made the process go faster.

I wince as I burn my finger and yank my hands apart. I suck on the tip of my finger, cursing myself for getting distracted. I'm practicing getting a low amount of electricity out of my body for a long while. Normally, I let it all go at once, like when I murdered the guard and nearly killed Roman.

I haven't told the others this. I still can't wrap my head around the face that I murdered someone. Bitch deserved it for cutting Janus with a knife.

Speaking of the others, I manage to spot a fluffy white cat making its way out from under my bed. I know that this is Patton, but I still like to see this cat every once in a while.

The cat turns around and leaps up onto the cot. He meows, and I sit criss-cross. I nod, and the cat climbs onto my lap. I gently start petting the soft fur, still sucking my burned finger. I don't have running water in here, except for the toilet. The guards leave pitchers of water and a cup in our cells every night, but they never fill the pitchers enough. I'm conserving the water I have.

I take the finger out of my mouth, and wrap it around my stomach. I'm hungry, but there's not much I can do about it. "Patton, I...don't know how to control my electricity." I murmur, running my fingers over his back. Patton mews.

I gulp. "I hurt people; I let it out all at once. I nearly killed Roman on the first day, and murdered a guard a week later. I...lose control, I guess."

The cat looks up at me, tilting his head slightly to the side.

"I just...I'm scared, Patton, that I'm going to ruin our chances. That I'm going to lose control. I can't do that; I really, really don't want to fuck up."

The white cat hops off my lap. I frown, because I like petting him, but Patton sits next me and morphs into his human form.

I've seen Patton do this before, but it still unsettles me.

"If it makes you feel any better, kiddo, we've all had our powers act up because of our emotions, even Logan." Patton gives me a warm smile through the gloom. Somehow I can see it, and it comforts me.

"So I'm not the only one..." I murmur.

Patton nods. "Yeah, um, I shape shift when I'm scared. And Roman burned down The Warden's old office when she said she was going to hurt Remus."

Oh, so he does have a heart. That's kinda...sweet, actually. It's nice to know he cares so much about his brother.

"Remus melted one of the glass walls once when Janus was having a panic attack. Janus...well, I don't know much about his powers, but I do know that his entire body gets covered in scales when he's angry."