somewhere only we know

tuesday 7:22 sander

I still dont feel well, I need to stay here at least one more day.
My dad comes in my room.
- You're still not up to go to school ?
- No. I say hardly, I know that if I dont answer him he'll be even more pissed
- You think I am gonna let you skip another day ?

I dont answer, I really dont have the strength for that right now.
- Hey ! Answer when I talk to you little shit ! he starts yelling

I start crying in silence, I dont like that side of him, it scares me.
My mom comes in the room.
- Are you crazy, why are you yelling at him ?!
- He isn't answering me !
- You can't force him to do that ! He isn't well right now the doctor said it is normal if he doesn't talk when he is depressed !
- I dont care, he is gonna stand up and go to school.

He grabs my sheets and the blanket on it and take it out of me, I am just on my bed in pyjama covered by nothing, I am crocked on myself. He grabs my legs and take me out of the bed, I dont stand up just stay laying on the bed just with my legs out of it.
He puts me up in a kinda violent way.
- Stop it cant you see that he isn't able to go to school or anywhere ?! tells my mom to my dad

I just look down on my feets like a zombie, I try to go to my bed but my dad stops me, he grabs me by the arm and make me go to the bathroom.
He takes some clothes and puts them on me.
I just feel so tired...
- I need to sleep... I whisper hoping he'll hear me and let me go back to bed
- Right now you need to go to school son, that's it. Come on I'll drive you to the school.

We go in his car and I fall asleep in it. He wakes me up at some point and tells me that we're in front of the school.
He makes me come out of the car and then he leaves.
I go to the bathroom and try to put water on my face to wake me up but it doesn't do shit. It actually doesn't help at all. I sight, and directly go to class.

I dont say hi to anyone I just come in the class and sleep on the table.
- Sander ? SANDER?! says the voice of the teacher

I hardly open my eyes.
- Did you not sleep tonight ?
I dont answer.
She sees that I have no reaction and I can see that she is starting to worry about my current state.
- Are you okay ? Do you want to go to the bathroom and put some water on your face to wake you up ?
I nod in a negative way.

Aaron looks at me and say :
- I think he is sick he wasn't there yesterday...
- Okay, then sleep it's okay, hum.. I want to talk to you at the end of the class, okay ?
I nod distractedly.
Aaron looks at me and tells me :
- Man are you okay ? I've been texting you yesterday but didn't get any answer ?! he says worried
- Yeah fine, I didn't see your texts... I lie

The end of the class comes and the teacher wakes me up again.
- Hey Sander, are you okay ?
I sight and touch my eyes.
- You really dont seem well... she says
- Yeah hum...

I think about Robbe telling me that I should have talk about my issues to the teachers in my old school so they could understand.
- Actually I...
I start, it is so hard to finish the sentence.
- You ? she asks
I sight one more time, look down and say.
- Yeah hum, I dont know if there is a nice way to say that but... i- i got bipolar disorders.

I keep looking down on my feet.
- Oh, okay, so how are you feeling right now ? she asks concerned
- I am currently having a depressed episode which means that I sleep a lot, and cry and that I just barely talk and eat... I shouldn't even be at school today...
She looks at me a few seconds before saying :
- Then why are you here today ?
- My dad doesn't want to make me skip too much classes... I admit
She sights.
- I'll call your parent and tell them to come pick you up, you need to rest, you cant stay here the way you are right now, I'll explain that you cant follow my class while you're having an episode like this one.
I whisper a little "okay".
- Go out now, I cant keep you here, go to the nursery after the break, there are beds I'll tell her that you'll wait there for your parents.
I nod and leave the room.

After a few minutes walking in the corridors, I find Britt who is with Jens and the others, Robbe is there too.
She looks at me.
- Hey, are you okay?!
She probably sees at my face and the way I walk that I am making a crisis.
I nod distractedly.
- You really dont seem okay, why did you come here ?!
- My dad didnt want me to stay at my house two days straight. He is still pissed at me because you told him that I smoked a joint.

The guys frown and Jens says :
- Wait you told his parent that Sander smoked some weed ?!
- Yeah i- starts Britt but she is quickly interrupted by Robbe
- Britt this is really not okay.. you aren't his mom !
- Yes I know that but I care about him and I dont want him to ruin himself !
Jens speaks again :
- Telling him to not smoke is a thing, but telling his parents?! Seriously you can't do that !
- I- Britt starts again but the bell rings

There is a quick silence that I break.
- I am gonna go to the nursery and sleep until my mom comes pick me up.
- Okay, see you... says Robbe
- Take care bro. adds Jens and the other guys