somewhere only we know

wednesday 12:02 sander

I get out of the class when the teacher says :
- Sander could you stay a bit longer please ?
I dont answer and keep walking.
- Sander ? Did you hear me ?

I am now walking through the corridors. After one or two minutes, I feel her running after me, and stopping me by grabbing my arm.
- Hey Sander. What does this mean ?
- It means that I am tired of telling you about my personal issues, okay ?
- Sorry, I just heard yesterday that you barely talked to the school nurse, and i was wondering why ? You should tell her how you feel things. It could be really helpful.
- How I feel about what ?
- About... hum... what happened with your friends for example. Tell her about those things.
I sight.
- Maybe if i dont talk about it, is because i dont want to talk about it.
There is a quick silence that she breaks :
- Sander, do you play sport ?
I frown.
- Not that I know.
- Well... you know, sometimes you just really dont feel like doing anything and especially not sport, but yet you decide to do some and you feel good afterward even if practicing was hard. It is just like therapy, at the moment you dont want to talk about it and if you do, then while you are doing it you feel like garbage, but afterwards, you just feel so much better.

I dont answer.
- What do you think about that Sander ?
I sight and look straight at her.
- And what if I am different ? Uh ? What if therapy doesnt work for me ? What if I cant be fixed ? Maybe I should take an end to this.
- You dont need to be fixed Sander...
- Why are you even telling me this ? Everyone wants to fix me and so you do ! You might be my teacher, but I dont owe you anything, okay ?
- Of course you dont owe me anything ! Sander I just want you to be okay ! I am worried about you !
- Well then stop worrying ! I dont need you, I dont need your compassion ! I just want you and everyone else to leave me alone ! I cant take all those looks anymore ! I yell

Everyone is now staring at us.

- No one enjoys being alone Sander, no one... not even you.
- I'd rather be alone than with people pitying me all the time. I say before walking away from her

I keep walking until someone runs after me, I sight and turn myself to see that person and discover Robbe.
- What do you want ? I ask
- I heard your conversation with the teacher.
- Good for you.
- Why were you mean to her ?
- She was getting on my nerves.
- So what ? She is worried about you Sander !
- Not my problem !
- And I am also worried about you !
I stop myself and face him.
- Does the boys know that you are worried about me ?
He raises an eyebrow.
- Why are you bringing this up now ?
- Because you might be worried about me, but let me tell you that I feel mad bad for letting the boys know I like guys because their reaction was so shitty that now you'll probably spend your whole life in the closet and we'll never get to be together !
- Sander... you know I really like you... but I cant be with you, I dont want to loose them... you cant be mad at me for that...
- I am not mad at you, I am mad at them. Because the only thing that gave me hope in life will never be mine. I admit right before living him