somewhere only we know

monday 10:06am sander

I go with Aaron to see the guys for the break.
- Hey ! says Moyo
They all notice my face and the little scars of Thursday's fight.
- Whoa... what happened ? asks Jens
I know that him and Robbe know that my dad did it, after what I told them, they must suspect it...

I try to smile and say :
- Oh nothing really, I fell ! I laugh a bit awkwardly
- Not so smart ! jokes Aaron
I laugh a bit, only Robbe and Jens don't laugh. They look at each other concerned.
- So hum... How was the rest of the week ? I ask to change the subject
- Oh nobody told you ?! says Aaron surprised
- Hum no...
- Robbe lost his virginity with Noor !
- What ? i say in a kinda rude way
- Is that a problem ? asks Aaron unsure.
- I dont know, ask Robbe he is the one who isn't even in love with his girlfriend !
- Robbe... starts Aaron
Robbe stays mute, I actually like it better that way, bc if he talks he might tell me something hurtful.
I sight.
- Whatever, I am going to the bathroom.
- Okay. say the boys.

When I enter the hallway that leads to the bathroom someone takes my hand, I turn around and discover Robbe.
- What are you doing ? I ask
- What happened ?
- About...?
- You know what I am talking about, come on Sander!
I sight.
- What do you care anyway ?! Uh??

I dont get him, he loses his virginity with Noor and then he is worried about me ??

- I care about you dumbass !

There is a silence.

I finally say :
- I dont believe that.
- What ? You don't believe me when I tell you that I care about you ??
- If you did you wouldnt have done what you did with Noor !
He sights.
- Sorry for that, i- I was wasted and confused about stuffs, and you know I just didnt think...
- You didnt think ? You just told me you were confused, I bet it was the thing between us that was confusing you, so you were perfectly aware of what you did.
- No it isnt that ! I was drunk and I thought you hated me ! Okay ?!
I look at him for a while before admitting :
- I could never hate you.
He looks surprised and says :
- Me neither.
We stare at each other for a while until he asks the same question as before.
- What happened ?
I sight.
- Did your parents do that ? And if yes, why ?
- Look, I- I just fell...
He frowns.
- Am I supposed to believe that ? Sander it is clear that someone hits you...
- What should I answer to that ?
- Just tell the truth.
- What is it gonna change ? I dont want people to know, okay ?
- Okay, I wont tell anything, just tell me, just me, no one else, I wont repeat it, I swear.
I sight.
- How am I sure that you wont-
- Sander. I wont, you can trust me, okay ?
I say a little "okay", look down, and try to put in words what happened which is quite hard for me.
- So, hum... my- my dad did that to me.
- Why ?
I sight once again and admit :
- Because i- he was mad that I came back earlier than I was supposed to.
I look at my feet while saying the whole thing.

Robbe stares at me, concerned, I can see the pity in his eyes.
- Thank you for sharing that with me. he says
I dont answer so he adds :
- Your dad is an asshole... what about your mom ?
I laugh ironically.
- She doesnt really do anything, I mean... if she wasnt there it would be worst, but before my dad didnt beat me when she was there because he was scared that she would leave him because of that, now he just doesnt care and beats me until she yells at him, which can sometimes take time.

There is a silence I feel like i need to break it, i hate those kinds of silence...
- I am sorry I shouldn't tell you that...
- What ? No Sander, I am sorry for you, you shouldn't have to face those things ! And talking about it is the best thing you can do, believe me.
I dont say anything.
- Except me, who knows about your parents ? he asks
- Well, Britt probably guessed it, we never really had a talk about it, so like... yeah she tried to talk about it with me but I didn't want to say anything so... yeah.
- So I am the only one ?

I nod. He smiles a bit, I roll my eyes.

- It doesn't mean anything you know ?
- What ?
- The fact that I told you and not anyone else, it doesn't mean that I forgive you for noor and all, she doesn't deserve that, and so do I.
He sights.
- I know, I will make it all right soon, don't worry.
- Ok, see you...

After that I decide to leave and go to class.