My Lie in October

Chapter 23

The next day, he could hardly focus in school. What should he ask Sakura? What would happen when he got to the hospital? What if Sakura didn't want to tell him? Would she still feel suicidal?

These questions stopped around noon. Kousei reasoned that he wasn't going to get answers until later, so there was no point in worrying or freaking out.

Once school was out, Kousei rushed over to the hospital where she was staying. Having already been there once, he knew exactly where to go.

Kousei walked into the room and saw no one inside but Sakura. There was a chair by her bed with a note on top:

Kousei

She's just asleep. Gently tap her awake. Good luck.

He removed the note and threw it into a waste bin before sitting down next to her. For a few minutes Kousei studied her. There were small bandages on her head and face, as if she hit her head hard or got several scratches. Despite all of that, she still looked beautiful to him.

Forcing himself to focus on the task at hand, Kousei leaned forward and gently shook her awake. She didn't wake up like a lantern suddenly switched on, but rather like the sunrise, slow and steady. In half a minute, she was awake enough to say, "Kousei..."

Kousei smiled slightly. "Hey."

Sakura paused to think about her situation, then stretched from just waking up. "I would say 'I'm fine,' but I don't think you would believe me."

He chuckled slightly. "Heh, you're right about that."

There was a lengthy awkward silence where both didn't know what to say. Finally Kousei took the initiative. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"That's probably what you told your mom and the doctor as well."

"Yup. But with enough happy drugs they'll be able to get it out of me sooner or later."

Kousei stayed silent and still, making it clear that he wasn't leaving until he got answers.

Sakura sighed. "They sent you in here to try and get it out of me. They're probably also recording this."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Just act like it's the two of us. Unless you don't want me here. Before all this, you were kind of distant."

Sakura was silent for a bit, refusing to let tears come. "Kousei, it's not your fault." She paused again to make sure her voice stayed steady. "You were the only one that helped me last this long. Without you, this would have happened a lot earlier."

Kousei stayed silent so she could be the only one to talk. Lucky for everyone, she did come out.

"It's hard being bullied by everyone at school. Lots of people go through that. But to have teachers, faculty, and even parents join in..." she begain. "It becomes really hard and you don't know who to turn to. All the people that I trusted were saying the same thing. 'Just pick one, maybe two instruments. You simply cannot do all of these.'"

She swallowed hard. "It costs a lot of time and money to handle everything. I was perfectly able to spend the time. But the money led my parents to divorce two months ago. Neither of them wanted custody of me. Finally my mom was forced to take care of me when my dad offered to pay extra for her to look after me full time." Sakura chuckled lightheartedly. "Didn't know I was worth that much!"

Kousei looked down at the ground, not at all uplifted by her small joke. She continued: "The problem with me was still there. The Sakura of All Trades was still walking around. People can't ridicule me enough. All the teachers, students, and everyone can't seem to say enough about it to me. Maybe they think I'll eventually crack.

"They did anything and everything to limit my talent. They flung my music everywhere in my room. You saw me clean it up. They stopped my confirmation letter from the competition from getting to me. Four of my instrument teachers quit teaching me. They also kicked me out of the string quartet."

She sighed, barely holding back tears. "My mom finally decided to make me choose. When I refused to let go of anything, she said 'Then I will choose for you.' Last week, she sold the piano in our house, making my practice hours limited cause I could only practice at the school. That meant I came home late many nights and didn't get enough sleep. She also cancelled all rentals from the school so I've had to start paying for them myself. And on Monday night," she paused a bit, a little choked up. "On Monday night, she broke my viola, clarinet, and flute over my head."

Tears started to fill up in Kousei's eyes as well. He looked up at Sakura, her face showing clear signs that it was true. "She was about to go for my throat to clear me of my voice, but I fought back long enough to get out of the house and run to the bridge.

"Once my mom finds out that I told you, she'll probably unenroll me from this school. And all of the teachers and tutors and classmates will be so relieved that I am gone. Before that happened, I was going to jump from the bridge so they would be relieved sooner."

Sakura stopped talking so she could cry for a good long while. Then, through tears, she choked out, "I'm so sorry, Kousei! I've been lying to you since October about how I'm fine and happy I was! When you assumed that I had friends, I didn't try to correct you! It brought us together, but now that you see this stubborn girl who would rather die than give up a measly little instrument, you're probably ready to give up on me." She cried really hard now, her tears soaking the sheets on her lap.

While she was crying, Kousei got out of the chair, laid awkwardly on top of Sakura and hugged her like he would never let go.

I've realized that I have covered some very tense topics in this chapter. Please know that it was just for the story content.

Divorce is very hard. Being abused is very hard. Getting bullied by others is very hard. What I understand the most is getting bullied by yourself. So even if you feel like no one loves you, that is just you talking to yourself. There are several people around who care for you and would be utterly devastated if you attempted suicide or even thought about it.

I know there is a God in heaven who is always watching out for you. So even if you feel like no one loves you, He does. It may not seem that way, but being on this earth means going through countless difficult trials. God will always be there to help you if you ask, and he will never forget about you.

It may be hard to realize that because you've never seen God and he normally doesn't physically talk back. So if you need someone to talk to about this and who will talk back, feel free to click on the button to "message this user" and I WILL respond if I'm still around.

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