DEPRESSION | vmin

one

𝙠.𝙩𝙝 𝙥𝙤𝙫

"STUPID PIECE OF SHIT! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY LAPTOP?!" my older stepbrother says lifting his hand up about to hit me.

"I-I d-didn't m-m-mean to I-It s-s-suddenly s-stopped t-turning on..." I say hiding in the corner, "fucking faggot YOU BETTER PAY ME BACK TO FIX MY LAPTOP! AND STOP ACTING LIKE A LITTLE KID, YOU ARE 16 YEARS OLD" my stepbrother says walking away.

tears threaten to stream down my face, I'm such a baby... all I do is cry in my room from my older stepbrother and my abusive dad.

I miss my mother... she died in a car accident when I was only 8 years old, ever since her death my dad started getting abusive towards me and my older brother picks on me because he thinks it's all my fault for her death.

ring ring ring

ring ring ring...

I hear my phone ring and saw that chim chim aka Jimin was calling me, I quickly wipe my tears and drink some water so my voice won't sound like I was just crying.

"hey chim chim!!"

"hey, taebear are you ready for school?"

"Yup! I'm all ready"

"Okay I'm gonna pick you up from your place"

"w-wait chim chim it's okay I will wait for you outside my house"

"you sure taebear? it's pretty chilling out"

"yeah, I'm sure chim chim!"

"Okay I'll see you there taebear"

"Okie bye chim chim!!"

"bye taebear!"

chimmy is my best friend since we were kids, I love him so much... I might even see him more than a friend but I try to push those feelings away cause I know he won't like me like that.

I quickly put on my uniform, oh no... I didn't notice that my bandages around my arms are all bloody, I quickly went to the bathroom and threw the bloody bandages and put new ones on.

If your wondering yes I self-harm, it helps me push my stress away. I'm embarrassed for doing it but I just can't stop doing it, nobody knows I self -harm and it's gonna stay like that.

I get ready and grab my backpack and phone, I quietly go downstairs and see if my dad was in the living room.

I don't see my father anywhere, and I know that my older brother is upstairs so I take a chance and quickly make it to the door and leave the house.

I wait outside for chimmy, that house it's a nightmare... I have many disorders have generalized anxiety disorder, clinical depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, panic anxiety disorder, and bulimia.

I remember having a panic attack in school a year ago because I was getting bullied for being weird, weak, and a f-faggot.

flashback

"FUCKING FAGGOT!!"

"YOU LOOK DISGUSTING NOBODY WOULD LIKE TO TOUCH YOU!"

"FAT PIGGY!"

the three boys punch me and kept beating me up, one of the boys picks me up from the floor.

"Listen here fag, I want you to know that you are nothing but a piece of trash okay? and here let me help you"

the boy says kissing me with tongue, he lets go of me and I drop to the floor.

"hope you enjoyed your first kiss fag"

the boys said walking away from me.

I should kill myself...

I should kill myself...

I should jump off a cliff.

I should swallow a whole pill bottle.

I should hang myself.

I should shoot myself in the head.

I don't matter.

I'm a fat ugly pig that doesn't do anything right.

it's my fault for killing my mom.

I deserve to be hit.

I deserve to get insulted.

I should die.

I pull my hair out in frustration and anger, "I s-should j-just die" I whisper to myself as tears stream down my face.

"tae?! TAE ARE YOU OKAY?!"

"TAE!! TAEBEAR?!"

.

.

.

.

.

"TAEBEAR!" chimmy says with tears in his eyes, "w-what's g-going on?! c-chimmy are you okay?" I ask him, "taebear you were crying and you weren't answering me are you okay? It looks like you were having a panic attack or something," chimmy says wiping my tears away.

I blush at his actions towards me, what is wrong with me? I forgot to take my medication for both of my anxiety.

"it's okay chimmy I'm fine!! now we should get to school" I say giving him a smile, chimmy doesn't know I have all these mental illnesses and I'm not really doing a good job at that he has seen me have 5 panic attacks.

I should take my medication more, "you su-

"come on chim chim!" I say getting in the passenger seat in his car, "okay let's get to school" chimmy says getting in the car.

"you're so cute taebear I can just squish your cheeks" chimmy says pinching my cheeks, I blush at his actions. "s-stop I'm not cute we are gonna be late for school," I say.

"Okay okay but you won't get away next time"