The Fault In Our Stars: After Augustus

Chapter Twenty Five

I opened my eyes. I was in the ICU. I looked at the analog clock, it was about 12:30 PM, so it must've been October 2nd; three months since Gus' death. I don't know if I'm dying today, same date as Augustus, all I knew was that, even with all this hospital gear, I could barely breathe.

I pressed the button which called for a nurse's attention. A nurse came immediately, then left immediately, then came my parents immediately. They were crying. I was too distracted by my physical pain to show any emotional pain.

"Hazel?" my Mom said, her voice shaky.

All I could do was faintly nod.

"I love you, okay, and no matter what-" she had to pause because of how much she was crying "no matter what happens; I'll always be your mother. Maybe not physically, but surely in mind, body, and soul."

As my lungs started to cause me less pain, my heart started to cause me more - and now I was crying.

"I love you Mom."

My Dad now came towards my hospital bed, "Ha-" he couldn't even clearly speak, "I love you so, so goddamn much. I don't know how I'm going to live without you, but I know I will, because you believe I can. And if you believe in me I don't need anybody else's opinion."

My Mom shot a glance at Dad.

He chuckled, "besides your Mother."

~~~~~~~~~~

Kaitlyn and Matt came to visit me now. They were holding hands; finger-interlocking. I made a heart with my hands, and winked at them. They both giggled, then came up to me.

"Hazel," Kaitlyn said, teary-eyed, "please, please don't leave." She was now full on crying. Matt started comforting her.

"Listen Hazel," Matt was now talking to me, "we're not super close, but we're friends, and that's all I need to know how great you are and how much I don't want you to leave."

"Guys," I spoke weakly, "thank you. Live on, I know you will. Live on the happy life I had to end. Please."

They both nodded, we all cried for a bit, then they left.

Now I knew I was going to die. Why? Because Kaitlyn and Matt were allowed to see me, in the ICU, probably pitied by the nurses; "awe, yes, go see your dying friend."

A couple family members came, bringing flowers and touching words. I felt loved. "Not widely, but deeply" That's really all I need.

Then Nicholas came, he was already crying a river, and got me to help with the flood.

"Nicholas Grady."

"Hazel Grace Lancaster."

We just looked into each other's eyes for a bit.

"How's your life been?" he asked me.

"Amazing," I answered. "Besides the Cancer."

"Do you think you've fulfilled all you've wanted?"

"Well, I'm surely happy with the life I lived. I don't see a great need to live till I'm 100."

"That's all I need to know."

"What?" I questioned him.

"That you're not completely bummed. That you can die happy." Nicholas said that, and it really touched me. "Now if you'll excuse me, I don't want to mourn anymore. I'll save that for later." Nicholas Grady left that as our last meeting of my life. But then he stopped in his tracks, turned around, and said, "I love you."

When he left the room, I very softly replied, "you too."

~~~~~~~~~~

Lastly, Isaac came for a visit.

"Hazel?" he spoke softly.

"Yeah, hi Isaac." I answered him in my weak voice.

He started tearing up, "oh God, you sound horrible."

I laughed a bit, "I look horrible too."

"Hazel." Isaac started balling his eyes out, then came towards me. "I know I'm lucky to be NEC, but why does everyone have to die on me."

"Isa-" I was crying as much as him now.

"No," he cut me off, "just." He stopped talking and just hugged me. It was silent for a bit, then he said, "tell Gus I say hi, and that I love him."

I wiped my tears, then shed some more. "I surely will."

Then, I think my line went flat. Isaac got up after hearing the sound of it. And "shit" was the last thing I heard.

~~~~~~~~~~

I was standing now. I felt great. Cancer free. I had no cannula, no Phillip, but I was breathing perfectly fine. I looked around, saw nobody, just the exact same scenery I saw in my dream the other night.

"HELLO?" I called.

No answer.

"HELLO?" I called again.

"Yes." I knew that voice. Of course I knew that voice. It was Augustus Waters' voice.

"Gus?..." I said softly, shaky, "is that you? D- Do you still love me?..."

I think I heard him chuckle a bit.

"I do, Hazel Grace. I do."