Never Her

Three

Olivia woke up to Elliot thrashing in their bed. His head was shaking back and forth and he had tears falling from his eyes.

She quickly tried to shake him awake but it wasn't working. "Elliot! El, baby, wake up!", she shouted trying to rouse him from his nightmare. He continued to move wildly the more she tried to wake him up.

"El!", she yelled loudly as she placed her hands on his face to try and keep him still. She was afraid he was going to make one of them get hurt. His eyes shot open and he popped up off the bed. His chest was heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

He stared at her with wide eyes as she stared back at him. She ran her hands up and down his arms as she tried to calm him down. "It's okay, baby. It's okay," she cooed as he started to cry. The sobs ripped through his chest. It felt as if Olivia's heart was being torn to shreds.

She leaned back against their headboard and pulled him back with her. He clung to her and buried his face in her chest as he sobbed. She continued to whisper reassurances in his ear as he completely broke down in their bed.

"Talk to me, El.", she asks as he finally begins to calm down. Tears were still evident in his eyes but he had caught his breath. For a second, she was afraid he was crying so hard he was going to vomit.

"I had a nightmare," he admits, "but this time, it wasn't Jenna. It was Kathleen. I shot and killed my own child." He stutters over his words and she could feel his arms tighten around her body. It was almost as if he was holding onto her like he was afraid she was going to disappear.

"You're a good man, Elliot Stabler. You didn't have a choice," she reminds him. He doesn't offer a response so she just leaves a small kiss on his head as she stroked the back of his neck and his arm.

She was thankful he was opening up to her because at least he was talking to somebody instead of bottling it up.

For the rest of the night, she held tightly onto her husband. He drifted into a fitful sleep but she stayed away, vigil, in the case he had another nightmare.

Olivia gave up trying to sleep around 5 am when Elliot rolled away to the other side of the bed. She gingerly climbed out of bed and snuck out of their bedroom to start a pot of coffee. She leaned against the counter, deep in thought. 

Her mind couldn't stop replaying the last few days. She had never seen Elliot so reserved from her, especially once they got married almost a year ago. They had fought many times over the course of their partnership but they had gotten through it. The couple always talked it out now. Running away didn't ever work out in the past and they promised they wouldn't do it anymore no matter how hard it got. 

The beeping of the coffee pot broke her out of her thinking. She poured herself a cup of coffee and stirred in a bit of almond milk before taking her cup to her chair. She sat down and stared out the window that overlooked Manhatten. 

She began to doze off for a while in her chair after she draped a blanket around her body. She woke to the shrill of her phone ringing in their bedroom. Quickly, she jumped out of the chair and made her way to their room to get the phone before it woke up Elliot. As she grabbed the phone, she noticed he was beginning to stir. She quietly made her way out and shut the door before answering the call. 

"Benson," she said into the phone quietly as she took a seat at the stool in the kitchen. On the other end of the phone was Kathy. "Hi, Kathy," she sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. 

"Hey, I was just calling to check on Elliot. I figured there were things you didn't want to say in front of the kids.", the ex-wife explains. She could see the stress and fear in Olivia's eyes when she was at the apartment the day before. 

Olivia hesitated before speaking. She wanted to keep it from Kathy but she knew it was probably best if she knew some of it. "Elliot had to shoot a teenage girl. It has really affected him. He took retirement but is refusing to go see somebody. I can tell it is really wearing on him. He isn't talking or eating. I am worried, Kath," she explains gently. 

As she was talking, Elliot came out of their room. She was facing the other direction, on the phone, so she didn't hear him approach. 

She continued to express her concerns for Elliot and having the kids around at the apartment. Suddenly, she hears a crash behind her. Olivia whips around to see Elliot glaring at her. He had grabbed a coffee cup and slammed it down onto the counter. "Hang up," he demanded. Furrowing her brow, she lets Kathy know she was going to go. 

"I didn't hear-" before she could finish he slammed the cupboard shut and interrupted her. 

He glowered down at her as she set down the phone. "I do not appreciate you telling my business to anybody. Especially, my ex-wife. You have no right to tell my business when it is your fault.", he yells at her. She could see the redness building up his chest and into his cheeks as he got angrier with her.

She got off the chair and crossed her arms, "This isn't about your business, El. This is about your kids right now. I don't feel comfortable having the kids here until you seek some help," she tells him. Her tone was serious, hoping she could get through to him that he needed to seek out some help. 

That did nothing to calm Elliot down. She could tell her words have now enraged him. He stepped closer to her as she took a step back. Soon, her back was pressed into the counter and he was standing over her. "Never tell me what I should do about my kids ever again. Do you understand me? Ever. They are not yours. You are nothing to them." He growled in her face. 

His words cut her like a knife. She felt physically sick as she let his words sink in. "You don't mean that, El. You're just stressed." She reached out to cup his cheek but he pushed her hand away before she could.

"No, Olivia. I fucking mean it." Before he stormed off back into their bedroom leaving Olivia stunned.