Never Her

Twenty One

Olivia sat completely still on the guest bed as she waited to get up the next morning. She had already been called and asked to come down to the station. The nerves were getting the best of her. She had seen almost this exact case scenario happen. The lying wife who killed her abuser. It never ended well for the wife. She was scared about what was going to happen. She wondered if she should just back out now and tell the truth. She could take the consequences if she spoke up now. But, she didn't want to. She didn't want to tell the world she killed her husband. She didn't want to be the bad person in this case. Olivia nodded to herself as she cried. She did what she needed to do.

Cragen climbed the stairs with a cup of hot coffee in his hand for her. He knew Olivia was going to need it before she headed into the station. He knocked on the door before entering as he knew she was already awake. He heard her moving around most of the night.

He walked in and sat next to her on the bed. Olivia slowly tilted her head back against the wall and stared at him. "I'm so scared, Don." She quietly cried. Cragen set down the coffee and gripped her hands tightly.

"No matter what, Olivia. I am here for you. You told me everything he did. I'm sorry you're going through this." Olivia nodded and sat up.

"Let's go in."

Kathy was standing at her kitchen counter preparing breakfast for the twins and Eli. Lizzie came running into the room with her phone that was ringing. "Mom!" She yelled reaching out to hand her the phone.

The woman looked down and her hands were completely full. "Can you answer it?" She says looking over at her daughter.

Lizzie leaned against the counter and chipperly answered the phone. Her brow furrowed when she heard Don Cragen on the other side. She pulled the phone off her ear, "Mom, he said he needs to speak with you and its urgent."

Kathy wiped off her hands quickly and grabbed the phone. She had a sinking feeling in her stomach. There would only be few reasons of why Captain Cragen would be calling her in the morning with something urgent. Something was wrong.

"Hello?" She spoke quietly walking away from Lizzie so she could have this conversation in private.

She sat down on one of the chairs as the Captain took a deep breath before delivering the shocking news.

Kathy threw her hand over her mouth to cover the sob that was threatening to burst from her chest. "How? What happened? I thought he wasn't working." She whispered. Her first thought was how was she going to tell the kids their father was dead. They were going to have so many questions that she wasn't going to be able to answer.

"Olivia said he committed suicide. I am so sorry, Kathy." He says into the phone taking a deep breath. Telling people their loved ones are dead is the worst thing in the world and even worse when it is someone you know.

Kathy let the words sink in before she could respond. Elliot killed himself. Her mind and thoughts started racing. She had just been there. What signs did she miss?

"I have to go, Don. I have to talk to my kids." She says. Shortly after, she hung up the phone. She looked up to see Dickie and Lizzie both staring at her from the back of the living room.

She took a shuddering breath, "Can you please call your sisters and get them here? We all need to talk." Both of the kids nod and run off to get their phones.

Kathy stands up and goes to her bedroom to take a moment to herself before she needed to be strong for the kids. She sat down in her bed and let the tears fall. Her ex-husband was dead. While they weren't perfect while they were married, she did love him. He gave her five beautiful children and was a huge part of her life. She would always love him.

Kathy began to cry hard as she gripped a pillow to her face. She couldn't believe that Elliot had killed himself. That wasn't like him. He had always thought that suicide was the cowards way out. While she disagreed with him, she thought that is where he stood. Never in a million years did she think Elliot would take his own life.

She began thinking about Olivia. Where was she when this happened? Cragen said that she was the one who had called it in. She knew things were bad between them currently but she didn't think it was this bad. She needed to find out what happened because none of it made sense to her.

Maureen knocked on the door just as she sat up to pull herself together. The oldest daughter walked in with a worried look on her face. Kathleen followed quickly behind her and they closed the door after seeing the state of their mother.

Outside the door, Dickie and Lizzie stood shoulder to shoulder. Dickie put his arm around his sister and they walked to the couch. "What do you think is happening, Dickie?" She asked biting on her nails.

The older twin shrugged looking back and forth between the door to his mom's bedroom and his sister. "I don't know, Liz. But I don't think it is good."

"Do you think it's about Olivia and Dad? You remember the fight we heard. I know you saw what I saw." She tells him. She could feel the anxiety bubbling in her chest.

Inside the room, the girls sat down on the bed in front of their mother. "What is going on, Mom?" Kathleen asked, reaching out for her mother's hand.

"Girls," Kathy started before she began to get choked up again. Maureen squeezed her eyes shut because she had a feeling what her mom was going to say them. She was about to confirm their worst fear growing up.

"Your father is dead." She finally spit out. Both girls stared at her like they didn't hear what she said. Nobody moved a muscle as the news settled into their bodies.

Maureen looked over at Kathleen as tears started building in their eyes. Their worst fear had just been confirmed. Their biggest fear from every night growing up that one day their dad wasn't going to come home from work.

"The job?" Kathleen assumed as she tried to clear her throat to keep herself from crying.

"No," Kathy whispered before looking down at the blanket that was piled in between the three. "He took his life."