Never Her

Four

Olivia muddled around the apartment for the rest of the day. After a while, she couldn't sit with Elliot stewing all day. She needed a break. She packed up her purse and hit the grocery store.

With a list in hand, she walked up and down the aisles of the small grocery store. She filled her basket with all the necessary food items they needed for the week. As she was walking through the bread section, a baby caught her eye. The child couldn't be older than a year. As the baby looked her way, a smile broke out on her smile face. Olivia's heart melted as she waved at the child. The mom caught the movement and gave Olivia a light smile before moving on down the aisle.

As the mother and child walked away, Elliot's words rang through her brain again. She loved his kids since the first day she met them. It grew substantially after they got married and she became their stepmom. She got closer to all the girls and they often hung out together when Olivia wasn't at work. Little Eli was always stuck to her hip when they came over to the apartment for the weekend. Dickie was extremely shy around Olivia at first but warmed up to her quickly. While she would never step on Kathy's toes, she loved the kids more than anything. They, for the most part, co-parented really well. For him to tell her she meant nothing to the kids hurt her more than she could ever explain.

The child also brought back more painful memories for the woman. After Elliot and Olivia got married, they decided they would try for a baby of their own. Of course, they knew it would probably be difficult because of their older age. They tried to get pregnant for about six months before deciding to go into their doctors to see alternative options. It was then that they found out Olivia was incapable of carrying her own child. She was infertile. It crushed Olivia deeply in a way Elliot didn't understand. He had five kids of his own and she didn't. While she loved his kids dearly, she was excited at the idea of their own baby. With that idea squashed, she gave up the idea of a baby. Olivia deep down wanted to believe that Elliot didn't mean it. He knew how much she wanted a baby and also knew how much she loved his kids. She didn't want to believe he meant what he said, but she couldn't help but think he did.

Lastly, she placed a couple of wine bottles in her basket and headed to check out. She took the short walk back to their apartment and brought the groceries into the building. By the time she got inside, her arms were sore from the weight of the bags. She noticed Elliot's shoes were missing from the front door. She furrowed her brow trying to remember if he said anything about leaving but shook her head as she remembered he hadn't spoken to her since his outburst in the kitchen.

She fired off a text to him asking his whereabouts before she began unloading the groceries. When she was done, she realized she still hadn't gotten a response from him. With a deep breath, she took a seat at the couch and popped in a movie.

It was already nearing 7 pm and she was exhausted from staying awake all night and only sleeping for less than 2 hours when she fell asleep in the chair. She wanted to stay awake until Elliot got home but it was a losing battle as her head kept falling forward. She thought about getting a glass of wine but that would only make her more tired than she already was.

Soon, she succumbed to sleep but not for long before she heard Elliot fumble through the door. Olivia's head popped up and saw him trying to get his key out of the door. Her eyes squinted as she watched him finally get them free, let the door fall shut, then drop the keys from his hands. He just shook his head as he tried to toe his shoes off.

She finally stood up and made her way to him as he just let his coat fall to the floor instead of hanging it up on their coat rack. "El?" She asks softly and he finally looks up at her. He says nothing as he walked around her and into the kitchen. She picked up his coat and keys before moving his shoes to the side onto the shoe mat.

Olivia entered the kitchen to see him sipping on a beer they had in their fridge. She approached him slowly. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her chin on his chest. He looked right past her and kept one hand on the counter and the other holding his bottle. "What's going through that head of yours?" She asked reaching up to place a small kiss next to his mouth, but he turns his head once again.

He shook his head and moved out of her arms to go to the opposite end of the kitchen muttering a quiet, "Nothing".

She feels the frustration begin to build deep within her. She didn't know how long they could go on like this. It wasn't just taking a toll on him or her, it was beginning to take a toll on their marriage. "It obviously isn't nothing, El. You don't act this way. You don't shut me out like this. And, you sure as hell don't drink like this." She exasperated waving her hands around as she spoke.

He begins to laugh mechanically before taking a gulp of his beer, "Yeah, that is really rich coming from an alcoholics' daughter.".

She stomped forward and yanked the beer from his hands. She slammed it down on the table before hissing, "God damn it, Elliot! Talk to me! Why are you treating me this way?". Her anger bubbled into her tone trying to hide the hurt she felt from his words. She knew hurting but to take it out on her was unfair.

He stepped forward and snarled, "Why am I treating you like this? Why? Why am I treating you like the shitty wife you are? It's no wonder why your mom drank so much. You drove her to act that way, just like you're doing to me.". He reached forward and took his beer back.

She was shocked that he just said that to her. He knew just how much her mother had hurt her. It was a sore topic and always has been. It was really low for him to use it against her. Before she could even respond, her phone rang.

She grabbed it off the table and turned around. "Hey, Munch," She said into the phone as she tried to will the tears to stay at bay. "Yeah, I'll meet you at Bellevue. I'll let you know my ETA.".

Olivia turned around to look at Elliot before saying, "There is a vic at the hospital. I have to go. I'll see you when I get home." She rushed off to their room to change her clothes and get ready for work at a quick speed.

In the car is when she finally let the tears fall. She couldn't believe the way Elliot spoke to her. Of course, they have fought like every couple, but he has never spoken to her the way he had in their kitchen or over the last few days.

She shook her head as she pulled in and tried to forget about her own turmoil. She needed to be in work mode because there was a victim who needed Olivia Benson. She couldn't be distracted by her marital issues, which she hoped wouldn't become issues at all. Deep down, Olivia hoped that it would blow over. She could go home and things would be back to normal, but she knew that was wishful thinking.

She threw the car in park and with a deep breath, she fixed her makeup to go into the hospital as if nothing had happened.