Annoyance (Spencer Reid x Reader)

First Case

You had asked Agent Hotchner not to mention to the team that you were training to be a profiler. You had done the work and the classes when you were younger, but you still needed to pass a field test, pass your shooting test, and take a written and verbal "exam" with Aaron to be considered part of the team. After that, you would be a probationary member until you proved that you were a valuable asset and not a waste of funds.

Derek Morgan had been so kind as to offer assistance with your field training, seeing as he did it for almost everyone in the unit to begin with. You really liked Derek. His insistence on perfection was something you greatly admired. He drilled you every chance he got, sparing no feelings as he tore you down. Over the course of a few weeks, he was starting to give you less and less feedback; you were doing almost everything right.

It was emotionally exhausting, having him rip you apart over and over again. You had a tendency to take things personally, which made it even more difficult. Some sessions he was so ruthless that you cried after he left. You knew why Morgan was so harsh, though. This job included making decisions between life and death all the time. You had to get it right, or someone wouldn't be going home alive.

-

You had passed. Aaron had decided your scores were good enough, and you had whizzed through your field test with flying colors.

Finally, it was your turn to go upstairs and sit at the round table.

-

Garcia had said that this case was more difficult than most. It had involved kids.

You had always handled the paperwork and the files in a removed spot, almost always after the fact. Being thrown into the field, where things were happening at real time, was terrifying. One wrong conclusion, one mistake, and somebody could die. You knew this, obviously, but the thought was cemented more and more into your brain as the case wore on.

You had been scared all week to speak up for fear that you would be wrong. You walked on eggshells, and yet everyone on the team encouraged you to speak up, especially Aaron and Emily. They believed in you and your skills. You just had to believe in yourself. You had made some good points that the others had run with, which helped build your confidence slightly. You held on to that fact; this validated your idea that you really did belong with the team.

And then it was over. You hadn't been the one to catch the unsub. You had been at the perimeter with JJ, keeping an eye out just in case the unsub tried to run. You were okay with that. You couldn't bear to see what happened inside of that house, and neither could she.

The jet wasn't leaving until tomorrow, so the team was staying another night in town. Almost immediately after arriving to your room, you turned on the shower and sat there under the scalding water, sobbing.

You didn't cry often, but when you did, you cried a lot. It was a mixture of things this time. Part of it was the release of the tension your body had been holding for the past week. You had made it through your first case. It had been horrific. You sat there, thinking about the children, the loss of life, and the physical and mental scars that these children would hold forever. It was too much. And it made you wonder, could you really do this?

Eventually, after a very long while, you had cried yourself out. Stepping out of the shower, you got into your pajamas and crawled into the bed, nursing a bottle of water and staring at the wall. It was way after midnight and you were starting to get hungry. You hadn't eaten properly in days, the case getting to be too much for you to the point where you could barely stomach food.

You remembered seeing a vending machine around the corner in a little nook by the windows. You ventured out of your room to find it, stopping in front of the old-fashioned machine. Reaching for your pockets, you realized you had your pajamas on. No money. You sighed, just staring at the backlit machine, tears coming to your eyes again. You couldn't even do this correctly, could you?

You hadn't heard him so much as felt his presence, so it was no surprise when Spencer came to stand next to you in the hallway. No words were said. He didn't turn to look at you, and you didn't turn to look at him. You were thankful for that. You didn't want him to see your red, puffy eyes or your trembling lip. He just stood there next to you as you sniffled and wiped your tears.

You had tried so hard to set aside your differences this week to work with him. He had spent the entire week not interacting with you. He didn't ignore you, but he didn't speak to you either. He never asked you for opinions or input. It was like you hadn't existed to him. You knew he didn't particularly enjoy having you around, and you knew the best way to keep from fighting was to limit interaction with him, but it still hurt.

That's why it was so confusing to have him standing there with you. Was this his way of trying to comfort you? Why did he go out of his way to ignore you all week, just to seek you out at a time where you were extremely vulnerable? Was this just a different way for him to embarrass you? Corner you at a time where you needed space the most? You started to get worked up again, but forced yourself to think it through.

No, you finally decided. Spencer could be a dick sometimes, but he wasn't sadistic like that. Maybe, just maybe, he needed someone to comfort him too. Maybe he needed to know that someone cared just as much as he did. And with that thought you started to calm down, focusing on his breathing next to you as you tried to regulate your own.

The two of you stood there in silence next to each other until the sun began to rise. You were the first to break away, avoiding any contact with him that you could. You didn't even look at him. You felt like it would break the spell the two of you had created, a spell that, for the moment, rendered your feud null and void.

Shuffling down the hallway, you entered your room and collapsed on the bed, waiting there until your alarm went off to head to the airport.