Kleptomania | Billie Eilish

8

Maddie

The past few days have been overwhelming with feelings. Billie and I haven't been in contact since we last saw each other, which was almost a week ago. But that doesn't mean I haven't thought about her. I've been trying to sort out my views and emotions but nothing has done justice. Instead, I've fallen deep into a rabbit hole of a negative state of mind.

The previous days I've been trying to fight the urge of a relapse into shoplifting. I've been clean for about a month now and still have the intention to stay that way, but my mixed feelings with Billie have caused some crazy intrusive thoughts. And I guess I couldn't take it any longer because now I'm here sitting in my car in a grocery store parking lot a little ways from Highland Park.

I just drove and drove away from home until I found a decent place to get rid of this god awful feeling. This particular sentiment today has continued to grow relatively. I exhale deeply before exiting my car and entering the store.

My stomach flips inside out as I walk farther into the shop. But the back of my mind keeps telling me I'll feel better once I steal something. I run my hand along the shelves as I walk down the empty aisles. I casually begin to sneak a few random portable items into my pant pockets.

I try to distract my thoughts by grabbing random shit. But my mind races back to those lips. The lips filled with passion and lust. And how amazing it felt to kiss them. Or how her body felt against my own. Or those piercing, blue eyes staring into my mine.

It was just a mistake, she's a stranger, I try to convince myself.

I start picking up my pace, speed walking through the aisle grabbing more things. At this point, it's become more obvious that I'm shoplifting. But shortly I return to a normal stride to not grab attention to myself. I turn the corner and head back to the front of the store.

My heart almost stops when I see two sensors at the front of the store. Shit. I guess I didn't see them coming in. It's too late now, I already got things in my pockets.

I stop and look around, I spot a mother with her daughter by the checkout. I grab a t-shirt from the rack beside me.

The duo starts walking towards the exit. I sneak up behind the daughter and place the t-shirt on her shoulder. She walks through the sensors, causing the alarm to go off. An employee confronts the mother, checking her bags.

This is my chance. I walk through the doors attempting to look as normal as possible. As per usual, too fucking easy.

When I return back to my car my head falls down onto the steering wheel. I lean against the wheel trying to push out the disgusting feeling of regret that's starting regurgitate. But I do feel more relaxed about Billie which surpasses the shame.

I pull the items out of my pockets. I've collected three bags of chips, two lighters, one bracelet, a deck of cards, and four candy bars. I don't need any of this shit. I'll find some sort of use of it.

I turn on music to distract myself. I sit and stare listening to my playlist in the parking lot. Dumb to be staying here, it seems suspicious but I just honestly don't give a fuck.

My phone buzzes interrupting my train of thought. The name 'billie o'connell' appears on the home screen and a text reading,

hey xavier n jade are hosting a get together on the beach tmr night. interested in being my plus 1?

I look at my phone thoughtless, a plus one, huh? I could easily just decline and never see her again. It's not too late. Hanging out with Billie could cause another hard relapse maybe even worse than today. I cannot afford to be running around aimlessly. Certainly, the decision I should be making is to ghost Billie but before I can think my thumbs are at work typing a response.

hi yes, im so interested.

Her reply reads, sick! pick u up tmr at 7?

perfect. i'll send u my address, see u then, I reply.

If I relapse again, that's on you, Maddie.

A/N
what's your guy's opinion on the original characters?
(Maddie, Sydney, Xavier, Jade)
who's your favorite so far?