Kleptomania | Billie Eilish

Thirteen

Billie

It's been a week since I last saw Maddie. Not going to lie, when she called me that night, my heart broke a little bit. I knew she was having a hard time immediately. I wish she would tell me what happened so I could help her out but, I do respect her privacy. I hope one day she'll open up to me so maybe I can give her some advice or even just be able to support her.

Furthermore, that bruise on her ribs also scared the shit out of me. I kept wondering what had happened nights after. But I decided to let it go and concluded that she tripped on the sidewalk or ran into the wall. Sometimes, it seems like Maddie can be pretty clumsy.

The past week I've been doing random shit. I've been hanging out with Xavier and Jade more and more but I can't help but find myself wishing that Maddie was there with us.

I even got to see Drew this week. Drew and I don't hang out as much as we used to, we used to be close when we were younger. But we've taken different paths in life and we seem to be drifting apart. I'm planning on seeing Zoe next week too, I never see her either anymore. I still love them both very much but as time goes on, I start to see their faces less.

But Maddie's face never leaves my head. More and more I keep thinking about her and the few times we've kissed, and how it's made me feel. I was wonder if she's also getting that tingly feeling when we lock lips. That feeling hasn't left since the first time she drunk-kissed me at Dylan's graduation party.

Even the thought of her lips makes me go crazy. I get embarrassed whenever I think about her in that way, sometimes it feels like I am invading her personal space. Even when it's all in my head or, maybe I'm just one respectful bitch.

I've tried to be less flirty with her since she's made it clear that she doesn't want anything with me. I can understand why she might have some unresolved closure or trauma with past relationships. Or something else. Yet, all I want is something.

"What are you up to?" Finneas asked me peaks through the open doorframe. My head perks up at his disruption after it's been hiding in my journal all afternoon.

"What do you think?" I snap back with attitude.

"Woahhh, chill out," he puts his hands up in defense.

"Sorry," I grumble, "PMS."

"That sucks, you want anything?" He asks.

"No, but thank you," I grin.

Fin sweet offers like that always make my heart warm. He's too good of a guy for this world, and Claudia is so lucky to be with him. I constantly make fun of Claudia and Finneas for showing PDA or being some sappy couple. But secretly, I'm envious of them. I wonder what my life would be like if Maddie and I were like the duo. But I snap myself out of it immediately because, fuck-that-soft-shit.

He comes and sits down at the edge of my bed. "How's Maddie?" He asks out of the blue.

I snort, "that's none of your business."

"I know you like her."

I look back down at my writing, "you're naïve, I don't."

"Billie- I've never seen you so caught up in someone before. All that shit you say about her, you have to be at least a tiny bit into her."

"You're dumb," I argue.

"Would you ever tell her?" He inquires.

I look up at him, "tell her what?"

"That you like her."

I lean against my wall, "I don't know," I mumble softly.

"So you do like her!"