The Doc

Chapter 6

Joel was looking at Alice, who was looking back at him. Neither one of them could find the words they were looking for. Both knew what had to be said, but neither wanted to start. However, heartbreak was apparent to anyone how looked their way.

There was a small group by the main gate who had congregated to send Ellie and Joel off on their travels. Tommy and Maria had grabbed Ellie to give Alice and Joel a few moments alone; they knew there was something between them but Ellie was still oblivious.

"I wish you didn't have to go," Alice finally dared to say, knowing that he had to.

"I know," Joel said and tried to smile, but the idea of leaving the safety of his brothers settlement and the blossoming relationship with Alice was too heartbreaking for the smile to reach his eyes. "But I have to..."

Alice knew. Alice knew that she had to stay behind. This was something Joel and Ellie had to do on their own. But they had been becoming closer and closer over the last few weeks, and Alice really felt like they were a couple, even if they hadn't kissed yet, or anything.

"Doc?" Joel asked, raising an eyebrow and dragging Alice back to the present.

"I understand, Joel,"

"Al, I..." Joel started but he couldn't find the words he was looking for. It was like something was blocking it. Maybe it was the moment, maybe it was the now or never feeling of the situation, maybe it was the fact that this could possibly be goodbye. He had no idea how things would turn out.

He knew that leaving could lead to the possibility to losing Alice forever, and that was a feeling he couldn't put into words. He felt more connected to Alice than he had ever felt to Tess or even Beth, and she was Sarah's mother. And that scared him as well.

Alice was becoming his life, the same way as Ellie had been. Joel and Ellie hadn't been in Jackson for no more than a month...

He could see the pain in Alice's eyes and it was killing him, he wished he could take it away. Make it disappear. Make her see that she was the only one he wanted to be with, and he couldn't.

"Joel," Alice smiled sadly. "You don't have to say anything." There had been a time when all Alice wanted was to hear Joel put his feelings into words, but those words were no longer important. What was important was his smile, his touches. Those were the things that told Alice what was in his heart, and they were all that mattered.

"See ya round, doc," was all Joel could muster before he turned away from Alice. But as Joel turned away, Alice grabbed his arm and pulled him back towards her. She stood up on her toes and planted a kiss on his lips.

It wasn't like she had imagined and it was also way more public than a first kiss should be. But Alice knew that it had to be now or never. And the moment their lips touched, she knew it felt right and she wondered what they had been so afraid of.

It was perfect, yet very simple. And Joel hadn't pushed her away the moment their lips had touched either. Instead, she could feel him welcoming the kiss, almost as if it was second nature. Like it was something they were both meant to be doing.

And in many ways, it surprised her, she hadn't been sure that Joel would welcome it. She wasn't sure why, but something had told her that Joel wasn't ready, maybe she'd been wrong.

But then she started to feel Joel hesitating and then he broke away from the kiss and looked at Alice, "Did ya have to do that here?" He chuckled, raising an eyebrow. "Where everyone could see it?"

Ellie was watching with her mouth hanging open, Maria was smiling brightly and Tommy just smirked. Alice took a deep breath, and smiled at Joel.

"Because it isn't about them, it's about us. And I just need you to know, I will be here if you choose to come back. Regardless of what happens in the world out there, I will always be here, Joel." Alice said, softly stroking his cheek before taking a step backwards.

"Al, I..." and again the words escaped Joel. "Goodbye," was the only word he found, and he turned around but not before seeing the tears in Alice's eyes as she muttered a goodbye back, and it broke Joel's heart. He silently cursed himself for the fact that he was never the one that found the words that needed to be said, yet Alice always knew what he needed to hear.

All the times over the past month, when Alice had touched his heart, his soul with the way she talked to him. The way Alice knew him better than most others in Jackson. The way her most simple sentences and words could make him feel better.

Alice took a step back and watched Joel climb up onto the horse. She felt an arm wrap around her and gently squeeze her upper arm. She met Maria's sympathetic blue eyes as Tommy helped Ellie onto the horse behind Joel. 

"University of Eastern Colorado," Joel repeated, looking down at Tommy. "How do I find this lab?"

"It's in the science building, looks like a giant mirror," Tommy explained. "You can't miss it."

Joel nodded, thinking. There was a moment of silence as Joel realised the extent of the journey he and Ellie were about to make. His heart ached, wishing he could stay in Jackson, wishing he could stay with Alice but he knew this had to be done.

"You take care of that wife of yours," he smiled. "An' that doctor. They're some real special women you've got in your life, little brother."

Tears were falling freely down Alice's face now as she watched the interaction between them. 

"There's a place for you here, you know," Tommy murmured. "Both of you."

Joel nodded appreciatively before checking in to make sure Ellie was comfortable. 

"You good?" 

"I'm good."

Joel looked around at the small group and nodded to each one of them. He took an extra moment with Alice, looking away as he felt his own eyes fill up with tears. He turned back to Tommy. 

"Adios, little brother,"

With that, he spurred the horse forward and the pair trotted out the gate of Jackson. Alice stood and watched until the guards closed the gate behind them. Alice took a deep breath before she shook her head and turned to face Maria.

"You okay, sweetheart?" Maria asked, raising an eyebrow as Alice wiped the tears from her cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt. She took a deep but wobbly breath before she spoke.

"Yeah," she said."I mean...I will be." The pair began to slowly walk back towards town, arms linked.

"I'll let you in on a little secret," Maria stage whispered as they walked. "Those Miller brothers aren't all they're cracked up to be. Trust me, I'm married to one of them." With this, Alice huffed out a watery laugh and Maria smiled.

The girls made their way back to Alice's house, where Maria took her leave. Alice headed inside where she was greeted by Buzz and Jacob eating dinner. Buzz took one look at Alice and knew what was going on. He leapt up from his seat and wrapped his arms around her.

"You wanna watch a movie tonight, sweetheart?" he asked, rubbing her back. Alice shook her head numbly. "You wanna get blackout drunk and forget he ever existed in the first place?" Alice laughed another watery laugh and nodded.

Buzz knew this was his moment to shine. He brought her over to the sofa, sat her down and handed her a box of tissues before he dashed out to the kitchen. He returned with a bottle of whiskey, a bottle of wine and two glasses.

"Buzz!"

"What?" he shrugged, flicking the top off the whiskey bottle and taking a swig before he offered the bottle to Alice.