The Doc

Chapter 7

"You take care of that wife of yours," he smiled. "An' that doctor. They're some real special women you've got in your life, little brother."

It was the loud, obnoxious whistling of her alarm clock that made Alice realise, quite suddenly, that she was awake and staring at her ceiling. She absently wondered how long she'd been laying in bed half-conscious. Her arms and legs felt heavy with the sort of stillness that only came from muscles being held immobile and her eyes felt gritty and tired, so she assumed she must have been awake for a while.

It was dark, and uncomfortably cool, and she wanted nothing more than to curl up under the covers and forget about the surgery and today and the fact that a sea of curious faces would be waiting to greet her after her show of emotion at the gates. She shut her eyes and pressed the heels of her hands against them until it hurt. She exhaled sharply and threw an arm out in the general direction of the buzzing alarm.

The sudden silence was both welcomed and regretted. It was a loud sort of silence, punctuated only by her uneven breaths, the rhythmic chirring of the crickets near her window and the sleepy sounds of the world outside as it slowly came to life. It was still very early, and the house - her room - seemed empty and endless around her, and it would be so easy to just close her eyes and slide back into thoughtless darkness.

Courage, Alice, courage! C'mon, you can do it. Up, up, up, her mind rather helpfully chimed in. She huffed out a laugh and was left to wonder if this was a sign of madness.

She was pulled from her thoughts by the crackle on her radio from where it sat on her nightstand. She looked at it for a moment before registering that it was someone trying to contact her.

"Doc, I know you like sleeping in, and as your friend, I would normally be very happy to enable your hermit-like behaviour, but I'm serious, if you leave Danny alone in that surgery for one more day, I'll - "

"Whoa, whoa, I'm awake!"

Maria had signed Alice off work for a few days, leaving Danny in charge of the surgery. Sure, Alice was teaching him how to set a fractured arm and how to remove a bullet but he had no medical experience at all. It was no wonder Maria was getting nervy.

"Oh, good morning then!" A tinkling laugh crackled over the line.

Alice lay back in her bed, radio in her left hand, and sighed. She closed her eyes and could instantly see Joel's electric blue eyes staring back at her. She took in his every detail; her eyes tracing each line on his face, unsure of whether it actually existed or if she had made it up. Alice watched as his mouth curled into a cheeky smile before...

"-lice. Hello?" Maria's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Alice Reid, you had better not have fallen asleep again."

"Sorry, what did you say? I got distracted." Alice turned on the bedside lamp and rolled out of bed, finally, suddenly feeling like she'd been lying down for far too long. A jittery kind of anxiety had settled near the base of her spine and she reached down to touch her toes in an attempt to dispel it. But it only coiled tighter as Maria spoke.

"What were you thinking about?"

Beat

"Honestly?" Alice sighed. "Joel."

"Oh honey, are you crying?" Maria said. "If you don't feel ready to-"

"...of course I'm not crying. I'm fine. Just a little tired is all. And, you know, allergies." She faked a sneeze loudly for effect.

"Really?"

Alice could feel Maria's skepticism radiating from across the radio. She wanted to say, No, actually I'm not. I feel silly and awkward and like everyone is judging me for kissing Joel at the gate when I only knew him for a week and now I've been signed off for a few days so people probably think I'm milking it and I don't really care at all...

But she couldn't bring herself to speak, so she choked the words back down her throat with a cough and said instead, "Really. I'm fine."

"If you're sure...oh, Bobby! Sorry, Alice, I have to run. I'll see you in a bit, okay?"

"Right, of course," Alice said. "See you later Maria."

There was a click and Alice let the radio slide down from her ear, it's weight heavy and warm in her palm.

It was grounding, a constant pressure, and it kept her momentarily from slipping back into the depression that had been plaguing her the last few days. It was something she could understand; it was tangible and real whereas her thoughts and feelings were messy and abstract and difficult to unravel. It wasn't much, but it was something.

But she couldn't stay there forever, gripping the radio and thinking in circles, so she set the radio on the corner of her desk and flicked the blinds open. A pale pink line was just highlighting the horizon, and a brisk wind had stirred up, shifting through the old, stately cedar trees in the backyard and out across the hay field behind her, the clover and alfalfa rippling like a ribbon caught in a wind stream. The ivy growing up the side of the house trembled and shook and the world seemed to come alive with a mighty yawn.

Alice sighed, melancholy settling across her shoulders and sapping away the colour until everything was greyscale and dulled. She turned away from the streaming peach light and moved back into the shadows of her bedroom.

It was going to be a long day.