No Harm List [g.d]

Chapter 19 (the end)

"What the hell?" I asked opening the door seeing something I wish I could permanently erase from my memory. He was on top of a girl, blonde I think it was. I slammed the door walking back to my room. I shoved my hands into my face, this was so stupid. 

He had someone else in his bed every night. Ethan was getting out of hand, and Grayson has been no where to be found. Every since the miscarriage he's been disappearing at nights. Coming home late with the faded stench of alcohol and smoke. 

He has been taking it harder than I have. And tonight was one of those nights, everything seemed to be falling apart. I took a deep breath and grabbed a sweatshirt out of the closet. I walked out to the dock. It was almost midnight. 

Not the best time to be out and alone at night. But, nonetheless, here I was sitting by myself dangling my feet into a lake. After a few minutes of staring out into the late I heard some rustling behind me. I turned around to see nothing but the house lit up in the background. Probably just an animal or something.

Another few minutes passed and there were more sounds. It was probably Grayson or Ethan. This isn't my first time being out here alone. I missed my family, I missed the hospital. I missed everything. I missed my life. 

Then something clicked in my head. I stood up and walked back into Ethan's room. To still see the blonde on top of him. "Alright out," I said turning the lights on. "The hell is your problem?" She asked as I glared at her, "you're my problem. out." She stood up grabbing her clothes as she ran out of the room. 

"Blue?" Ethan asked confused at to what was going on. I looked at his eyes, he was high. This "family" was falling apart. "I'm leaving." I said as his eyes widened. The drugs seeming to wear off instantly. "But, the list-" I cut him off. "Get me a new identity." I snapped back. 

"Grayson would kill me." Ethan said shaking his head. Confused with what the hell was going on. "I'll turn you into the officials if you don't." I said fishing my phone out of my pocket dialing 911. He knocked the phone out of my hand in a panic. 

"Fine, fine. I'll get everything set up." He responded standing up. Ethan and I had a few minor conversations about me leaving, but I had never been serious until now. It was a toxic lifestyle I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. "I'm leaving by sunrise. It better be ready." I said as I walked out of the room into the bathroom. 

I stared at myself in the mirror. I needed to become unrecognizable. I grabbed a pair of kitchen scissors and stared at my hair. Shorter. I cut a few inches off letting the ends fall to the ground. I searched in the back of the cabinets for the box dye I bought a few days ago. 

Black. Opposite of my original blonde. I loved my blonde hair. No, I'm known for it. It's too easy. I opened the box dye as the door bust open. It was Ethan, he looked at me with tears in his eyes. "You're really leaving?" He asked as I nodded my head. "I can't. Just do what you need to do and leave me alone." I responded as tears welled into my eyes. 

Grayson's POV
I walked back into the house. It was around noon, I decided to stay the night at a friend's house in town. "Blue?" I asked walking into the kitchen setting a fresh back of groceries down. Last night was the last night I was pulling this. I was going to be sober. 

Ethan walked into the kitchen with his eyes bloodshot red. "Rough night?" I asked laughing as he looked at me, tears building up in his eyes. Ethan never cried, he was emotionless. "You're starting to scare me E." I added as he shook his head. 

"She's gone." He said. I felt my heart drop the floor, no denial. "No, you're joking. This has to be some kind of sick joke. Ethan where is she?" I asked as my voice started to leave. "She left four hours ago. She packed up everything. Forced me to make her a new identity." He said as I felt anger rush into my body. 

"You helped her leave?" I yelled slamming my first onto the counter. "She threatened to call the authorities Gray, there was nothing I could've done," he said as tears started to fall down his face. "You could've called me, I could've talked her out of it." I said as I felt my heart to start hurting. This pain was nothing I can explain. It was physically weakening me. 

"I tried Grayson. I called you. It went straight to voicemail like 30 times." He said as I felt my legs give out from me. My back hit the wall as I slid to the ground breaking out in violent sobs. I felt arms wrap around me as they began to cry too. We lost her again. I blew it. 

"She wanted me to give this to you." Ethan said as he pulled a piece paper out of his pocket. It was a note from her.
Dear Grayson,
The last thing on earth I would ever want to do is hurt you, but I'm leaving. I'm sorry you deserve more than a letter. And this right here, this cowardice, this letter? It's officially the worst thing I've ever done. But it's about me, Gray. It's not about you. It's not what you deserve. You deserve and have earned so much better than this. I love you, Gray. I love that you are brilliant and brave, and that no matter what you go through.. you never let it hold you back. It makes you stronger, kinder. You made me kinder. You loved me for exactly who I was, and I loved you. I love you. Maybe it's not fair to say that, but it's true. What is also true is, I'm in love with my past life.
I imagined this whole life in pediatrics where I would get to help sick kids. And when you came back into my life don't get me wrong. It was great I just can't live in this toxic lifestyle anymore Grayson. And as much as it makes me sick to leave you I have to do it.
So please don't come looking for me. I'm not coming back to you. I'm going back to where I belong. Treating sick kids. Whatever you choose to do in life, I know it will be amazing. Just like you. You deserve everything good in this life. I hope you find so much better than me. Thank you. I'm sorry. I don't know how to end this. I don't want to. Goodbye.
-Blue

THE END