Four To The End Book Two (Marauders Era)

Chapter Seventy-Three - Christmas Angst

Author's note: a couple things. First of all, physical child abuse in this chapter as well as the emotional abuse/emotional manipulation. Also, shout out to Angel for helping me with the French, but the Welsh is taken from google translate so I sincerely apologize for any mistakes there. :T

~*~

Remus didn't transform his final night. He was awake, shivering hard and drifting in and out of nightmare-riddled sleep; images of him ripping his friends to pieces filled his head every time he closed his eyes. It felt like the darkness of the small room pressed against him, and eventually he stood up, his bare feet slapping quietly against the floor as he paced. He made dozens and dozens of laps before he tried to sleep again, managing to snatch a short little nap before he woke up screaming and crying.

Finally dawn came and his mother handed him the bloodied sheet. He covered himself and left the room. Hope's eyes lit up when she realized he didn't have any wounds on his body.

"It snowed," she said brightly as they went through the house. "I was hoping it would be a nice night for you."

Remus bit back a comment about how he preferred to be a wolf; he didn't think she would understand. They got to his room and he curled up in bed naked for a few minutes, cold, but too tired to get dressed.

"Want me to get you into your pajamas?" she asked.

"No thank you..."

She went quiet. "Want me to get them at least?" she offered.

"Yes, please, thank you."

She set a pair of pajamas on his bed, planted a kiss on his cheek, then left the room. Remus lay still, nearly falling asleep, then forcing himself to sit up and get the clothing on. They were warm, flannel pajamas, way too big for him but comfy. He kicked the stained sheet off his bed and then buried himself under his blankets, sleeping until Hope woke him up for lunch.

"What day is it?" he asked, struggling to remember.

"Friday. Christmas is on Monday," she said, watching him eat. "Your father needs to work Sunday. Ottilie thinks they may get some last minute customers."

Remus paused, the food turning heavy and lumpish in his stomach. "Oh." He poked at the rice miserably. "How... is he doing...?"

"He's worried about you," she replied and Remus couldn't help but wonder if that was true.

As it turned out, it probably wasn't because after dinner Lyall wanted to talk to Remus privately. They went up to his room and Remus sat on his bed, hands tucked under his thighs to keep them from shaking.

Lyall began pacing, running his fingers through his blonde hair. "Your mother told me what's happened."

Remus swallowed, wriggling a bit. Lily's letter and present? he wondered.

"You really hurt her," Lyall continued. "I know you're... getting older. But it's not a very nice thing to push your mother away." Oh, that was what was going on. "She's given you so much. She's given up so much. We both have."

Remus ducked his head, shame burning through his entire body. "I know," he whispered.

"Do you? Because from what I understand, you didn't."

"I—I'm twelve," he said, very hoarsely. "I'll be thirteen soon. I—I just w-wanted some privacy. I'm not a baby anymore."

Lyall gave him a look. "You're right. You're not a baby. So you should at least understand how much your words and actions hurt her. She misses you every single day you're away and then you come home only to shove her away from you. Brooding around, hiding in your room..."