Broken Beyond Repair

Chapter VII: Breaking Point

[ DISCLAIMER: This episode contains depressive themes and suicidal thoughts. Please read with CAUTION.]

~Recap~

When I opened the door Damien was in there..

He stopped what he was doing to stare at me. I was speechless. Both of our faces were blank.

They both had the same thought, "I seriously screwed up."

~~~~~~~

"Damien what are you doing?" I asked, walking towards him.

Small lines of blood ran red down his arm. Little cuts covering his forearm were so precise, you may have thought he had been doing this for years. Blood dripped from the cuts while Soph watched in horror.

"I it's-it's not what- well I- Sophia?" Damien tripped over his words as he spoke.

"I didn't know you cut you-," I didn't finish the sentence. Damien looked down in shame and slowly set the blade down.

I never knew anybody who had depression. Or anybody who would do something like this to themselves over and over again. I wanted to feel sorry for what he was going through. But I felt angry. Frustrated that he would use cutting as a coping method.

Why Damien?

The thoughts forming in my head were overwhelming. Without realizing it the words fell right out of my mouth, "How could you throw your life away?"

Damien- What do you mean?

Sophia- I stayed here, watched over you and made sure you were ok. But you're just trying to throw your life away! How could you be so. . . . look I made a promise to myself not to leave your side until you were ok, but you know what?

"You can't make promises to dead men."

"I'll be on my way now, Damien," I said leaving the bathroom. I could've stayed and helped him through whatever is going on. But what would that cost me? I put him over myself a few too many times.

I headed towards the door to take me leave.

Damien's voice echoed from the other room saying, "Wait! Sophia come back!" With his arm still bleeding, Damien ran towards the door.

"You can't leave," he said. The sternness in his voice covered the quaking fear underneath.

"Get out of my way," I commanded, "I will leave this house."

Damien's eyes showed much fear, anxiety, and hatred. A hurricane of emotions was destroying him from the inside out.

~Damien's Perspective~

My mind was tempting me, urging me to-to hurt myself. It was what I thought I deserved. My mind is like a deadly disease slowly killing me. Inside, out.

The sharp tip of the blade burned against my skin. The sensation I felt was intoxicating. The pain, blood, and everything was addicting. The sweet smell of blood arose from the cuts I had made. I loved it.

I felt in control. Each cut symbolized the authority I had over my mind. That's what I told myself.

I was in no way proud. But I couldn't live without relieving my pain. But. Sophia opened the door. I was furious with her. I felt severe anguish and fear.

She ran to the door, but I couldn't let her leave. It-it would kill me. I needed her.

I wedged myself between Sophia and the door. I took her because-because I guess I thought maybe she could fix me. Fix the monster I have become and am.

If only I could find one person to help me out of this deep hole I've dug myself into. I guess i just can't be fixed. She lashed out, mirroring my rage fits. Instead of Soph helping me. I think I may have damaged her.

My thoughts were spiraling inside me causing great turmoil. My behavior was even worse right now. I was at such a low a second ago that this was too overwhelming. This feeling inside me wanted to choke the life out of Sophia with my bare hands, making sure she never took another breath.

But I couldn't hurt her. She's the only person I've ever cared for and I'm not losing her now. I won't lose her.

~Perspective Ends~

"Damien please just let me go," I pleaded.

Damien- No.

His voice was colder. The longer I stayed here the angrier he became. I'm the one who caused this by yelling at him earlier, but why did I do that. I was just so caught in the moment, I acted so foolishly.

No matter what I couldn't stay here long with Damien about to burst. He still looked scared underneath, but that would soon disappear.

I inched away from the door, taking each step with great caution. I needed to find a way out of here. Maybe through a window or I don't know. I had never tried to manipulate myself out of a problem. I've always faced it head on and taken the blows. I got through, but life was definitely hard.

If I ever get out of this situation alive. I will never be the same person. So much has happened that if I tried to return to my normal life. I might self-destruct. No more going to parties, hanging out with guys, -I'd be too scared history would repeat itself- and my decisions and thoughts wouldn't even feel like my own.

Damien's temper was boiling, and his emotions ran unchecked.

He. Finally. Broke.

"Sophia run." "What?"

Damien- Run!

Without hesitation, he grabbed a glass off of the counter and aimed it right at me. The glass had knocked me off my feet pushing me to the ground. "Damien, what are you doing?" I asked. He stormed off into the kitchen and I could hear him rummaging around in the cabinets.

A cold, menacing Damien walked towards me. Each one of his steps matched the cadence of my heart, beating loudly in my chest. I backed up supporting my weight with my elbows, still on the ground.

"Sophia, Darling don't you know you should have left a long long time ago? You shouldn't care for someone this broken and fucked up," Damien said while laughing hysterically.

An object came into view as he prepared to strike. A bright red fire extinguisher was raised up into the air with the intent to kill.

"Sweet Dreams"