Broken Beyond Repair

Chapter XVIII: Crossfire

~Recap~

Without thinking, I swung my hand back to push her away from me. My mind was not my own. Jessie was struck back as I grew worse. This toxicity in my mind was getting worse and worse! There was nothing I could do!

My vision was clouded by my own thoughts as I grabbed the candle stick off of the side table. I wasn't in control of my own actions. The candle came crashing down on her head, knocking her unconscious.

~~~~~~~

The same image of Sophia came into my mind. Her scared face taunted me as I stared at Jessie's blank face.

If I hadn't been the one to knock her out, I would have thought she was sleeping. She looked peaceful and calm. I wished only to feel that. The same feeling of peaceful contentment that I had with Sophia. I moved closer to Jessie's limp body.

How hard had I hit her?

The candlestick had broken in half from the force used to hit her. Her wine glass splintered into numerous glass shards. While the wine splattered everywhere having a blood like appearance. That's when I noticed the real blood. A decent sized gash was on Jessie's forehead. Most head injuries bleed a lot and so was this one.

I jumped back from what I had done. But she was still breathing. I couldn't kill someone with a candlestick right? She was bleeding so much something had to be wrong. Fuck. . . .

It soon felt as if my throat was closing up. I couldn't breathe. I found myself even crying. This great amount of anger turned to sadness. All of it weighed heavily on my body and mind. It was so immediate and uncontrollable?

I had to get out of here.

Without thinking, my legs carried me out of the house, out of the neighborhood, and back to a homeless shelter. The same building where I thought I saw Sophia.

Why was the past trying to haunt me?

My memories were are leading back to Sophia. The places I had been with her and the moments we had together. Why? I came to find her, just don't know. I'm at war with myself, and I fear Sophia will be brought into the crossfire.

All the shining streets lights soon became blurry and faint. I didn't know where I was going, but I need to escape myself some how. . . . The night was still cold and dry. I could make out certain shapes in the background. All the sounds of cars and wind tormented me even more. It was all so loud I couldn't even hear myself think.

With much anger I screamed, "STOP!"

My anger turned to sadness once again as more tears fell down my face. I didn't know what to do with myself. I had given up.

Soon I sat down on a nearby bench. The cold metal reminded me of the nights I spent alone. The awful feeling that would envelope, that I thought I had rid myself of, was returning. I felt so cold, I just wanted to lay down and die.

Not a moment later I feel someone's hand in mine. I slowly opened my eyes as I saw Sophia. Her beautiful brown hair was a mess, her eyes were red from crying, and her face was marred with scars and scratches.

Damien- Sophia? Why are you here?

Sophia- Damien, you know how much I cared for you. No Matter what, never forget I love you despite my decision to leave you.

Damien- So what is this, are you leaving me again?

Sophia- No I'm giving you advice. Don't hurt me or yourself. Keep me out of the crossfire.

After she said that, I felt her warm touch fade away. Her hand was no longer in mine and that cold feeling returned to me. I never saw Sophia leave. She was gone without a trace, much like she had done before.

I found myself walking down the street. I didn't want to face the memories my house held, but I would have to someday. I just didn't want to be alone out in the world. Abandoned.

~Perspective Ends~

I didn't know where I was going, but I wasn't staying here. My breath was visible in the cold night air as I was running through the empty streets.

The horrid dream replayed in my mind. The scene felt so vivid and so real. It- it was just a dream. I wanted it to be a dream. I can't be real!

All of my surroundings blurred together as I ran through the night. The streets were mostly empty and It was already pretty late. Where would I go? I had nowhere to go.

Well. . . . I had a place to go. Anthony offered me his home. He was willing to let me stay there. He showed such kindness to me when I was nothing but kind to him. A stranger he met a day ago.

The picture of his lifeless body burned in my mind. I deserved the torment and regret

I felt. I did a truly awful thing to a kind, good man. I didn't deserve to live while Anthony had died, but I did want to make myself pay for my actions.

My face was already red from crying, but I really could stop. The tears felt never ending as my pain felt never ending. It made it even harder to see in front of me.

The whole night seemed like a fever dream I would never wake up from. Honestly, if it was I dream I didn't want to wake up. The last thing I remember was sitting down on a bench. My feet were and so was I. I couldn't walk another step.

The cold night air didn't really affect me as I was overcome with this warm feeling. That I wasn't alone in this world. I opened my tear stained eyes to see Damien. I recoiled back in shock. No no no no no! He can't be here!